Pre-separation advice

[TwinDad]

Thanks minkerman.....ok here are the details

- We have known each other about 12 years and have been married 11
- She has expressed unhappiness before periodically. Some on and off, alot of times when I don't want to do what she wants right then and there (i.e. the last one was whether or not to have a third child)
- We have had marriage problems before. About 4 years ago she was going out and partying and making out with other guys and shortly after this I developed a friendship to a co-worker that could be considered and EA but then just reverted to a ordinary friendship
- I feel she had a period of Post Partum depression about 9 months after the kids were born for a period of about 9 months. During this period she didn't do hardly anything with taking care of the kids....this was my main reason for not wanting a 3rd (I was doing the lions share of the work)
- We are in the process of having some major life changes....my wifes job and income was adversely affected by a major hurricane, we just sold our custom designed and built house (act of sale in 2 weeks) to reduce costs and we are having difficulty finding a new place to live. She wants us to make a clean break and separate at this point.
- She says she wants to separate to heal her wounds. I suspected she was having an EA with an exboyfriend (myspace IMing, text messages that were being deleted) and I was maintaing a friend ship that she didn't approve of (bottom line we both made mistakes)
- A thought there was another man for a while (the one mentioned above), mainly because I would ask her to be open and honest and to include me in the firendship and what was being talked about and the repsonse I got was (you don't deserve to know). Since then, I think she realizes that her friendship developed into an EA and seems to be pulling back a bit
- I just went out and bought the book today

The only other pertinant stuff is that we seem to get along very well (lots of laughter, sleeping in the same bed, two way communication), though she is having intimacy issues. I also get a barrage of mixed signals from her (ex. when looking at houses she will describe it as "our" house and "we" will do that and then a little while later she will ask me if I had been looking at places to stay). This has been very confusing and an emotional rollercoaster

Hoe this gives more information....any help is appreciated