WHEN there is a definite commitment to revamp, renew, rebuild, go for the best relationship you've ever had... (i acted as if and got really excited when I talked with him about the M and life we were going to build together with all we'd learned)...
I'd preface a talk about questions I needed answers to about his affair with... I don't want you to feel as horrible as you must've felt back then ever again. Help me understand what kind of things I can do to make it easier for you to tell me ....argh. We need to know what you need to know, but I'm just throwing out ideas because I don't want to give you the impression that I think we should just sit back with our head in the sand while the poor darlings heal.
Throwing out stuff that worked for us in the meantime:
We laugh about how the "old me" or "old him" would've handled a particular crisis/situation/in real life or on tv. Television and movies give ya opportunities to ask questions... compare relationships. Take care though. It really has to come from you as an *opportunity found* type of moment. You can't really plan it like picking a movie out with a message. Way too fake and transparent. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but LOOK for moments and then, only use about 1% of the opportunities presented to you.
Gooo sooooo sloooow with this. You will get your answers when you need them. If you don't get answers, that is almost always an answer in itself.
Music. Dancing around the kitchen. Singing at the top of our lungs. Old lyrics. New songs. Not much from the past few years unless I want to send a message. Music is one of our most effective bridges to talking. I set up (cheap) speakers all over the place, inside and outside. He ran the speaker wire. He knows the (sappy, ugh) songs that got me through particular phases of MY journey while he was on his. "Stand" was one phase, and from the same (Rascal Flatts)CD, "I Feel Bad" --- ouch. Just examples of creative ways we can all brainstorm and find ways that work for YOU to open up communication lines with the silent brooding types.
It's hard for me to listen to music that he may have listened to with (theskankyoldbit*h-who-put-an-evil-spell-on-my-H-and-dragged-him-into-her-bed)OW. But yeah, ha, I'm over it. Sometimes I used to ask.... then one day I laughed and said that those questions were like asking him if my butt looked fat in these jeans. I now just laughingly say that I'm sure that song/movie/mcdonald's hamburger etc., tastes better now that it's me you get to gaze adoringly across the table at....
Attitude. Posture. Get some. Meanwhile be still. Wait. Breathe. Calm down. Tell me I'm full of it. Hopefully anyone getting through this will if I'm out of line. I'm not a professional and don't proclaim to be on a message board.
It's not always gonna be this way....... hang in there if you love him and can keep that family together. It's soooo amazing on the other side.
