Thanks, Kel - you can call me Ingrid, which I used originally but thought I'd give myself a least a little bit of a disguise.
I've been doing more of the things that work (smiling, stepping back, not asking for any details of what he's been doing, etc.), and decided yesterday that if he can be comfortable with physical touch/sex but not any emotional connection, then I would try to make that do for myself for now. Spending more time here will help, I know. Not finding any time for this is probably a big reason for how crappy I've been feeling lately, just keeping everything to myself and feeling so alone.
When he came home last night, I walked up to him (he looked a little freaked), said that I was just thinking about him (which was true) and gave him a big hug. He wasn't entirely comfortable, but things have been a bit better. A little. We seem to be back where we were a few months ago - he'll touch me in bed, quite a bit of cuddling overnight and sometimes sex - but he pulls back noticably during the day, which I'm finding difficult to face - DBing is taking more strength this time, not sure why.
I would like to tell him that I know I fell off the wagon over the weekend, that I understand that he's feeling knocked back too, and that I have intention to go back to that, but being human, I'll occasionally make mistakes.
I think it's important to acknowledge what happened, so he knows that I'm aware and working on not being that way. I'm thinking an email, because I can keep that light and not emotional, and he won't feel any pressure to respond right in the moment. Just a few sentences - what's the worst that could happen?
