Cagz is really moving ahead Wierd...

[cat03]

Some day - when we are through this i would love to really really be able to talk to d11 and s19 and find out what they really really went through

The best time to talk to them is now. I know you are still getting used to the idea of him gone and with ow, but I think it is important you let them know that as you wish things were different that you dont' expect them to take sides, that you dont' want them in the middle and not to feel bad if they have a good time with dad and ow (bite your lip internally if you must ). Now is what matters, talk to them before it becomes a bigger issue internally.

Your goals sound awesome!!! start small, take only one class, go work out during your lunch hr (I do that now, 2x a week), or after kids go to bed (I try to do that 2x, it usually ends up being only 1x, but hey, it is something!)

does he think about the good ever?

chances are, he's blocking it all and tries not to, chances are, you are the one who spends more of time brooding about a person who doesn't think about the sitch for half the amount of time that you do. It is futile to hope to get into their heads, because if we were able to, we will encounter an alternate universe. They prob remember things we forgot about and forgot things that are burnt in our minds, you would go nuts trying to argue things he believes are right and you would disagree with his version of the past.

I know we women place so much enphasis on the ow, it is hard not to, not a day goes by that I dont' think of them, but thank heavens, with less bitterness. But keep in mind, the ow was an after thought, and whatever kind of person she is it doesn't really matter. We want to look at their faults to, frankly, make ourselves feel better. We dont' need to do that, we are on our own, wonderful women and mothers.