Email from W this morning - "I'm sorry I over-reacted. This is new territory for me, too, and I'm learning how to traverse it. Yesterday and today were tough for me - I'm not immune to the emotional impact; I hope you know that. And I don't completely understand my feelings, but I can't deny them. You are a wonderful, caring, engaged, interesting person, and I wish that I could be the person for you, but I can't. We have connected on so many levels, and I feel we still do. And I really, really don't want you to put the blame entirely on yourself for this, because it's about my participation/lack thereof as well. I have stayed away from initiating communication to give you space, because I assume you want and need that. But I appreciate that we are still able to talk, and hope we can continue that."
I really wish this was a M that could be DBed, but I think things are really different when there has been an A. She has no remorse and that means everything. What's spooky is, as I've written many times before, almost these exact words were written to me 9 years ago. Based on her journals, we're at that point where all her relationships were starting to crash down around her. Anyway, I don't read a lot of love in her words.
lodo
Neither do I, Lodo. She's fogged out. There's also a lot of "moral equivalency" in here, and diversion.
If it were me, I would respond tersely:
"Let me be clear -- I do not blame myself. Your decision to have an affair was entirely yours, and I won't take responsibility for it. Yes, we can talk, and will continue to be civil and courteous, but the intimate friendship that we shared has been broken, and I doubt it will ever be back. As sad as I am, and this is NOT what I wanted, I'm even more sad that you do not even seem remorseful for what you've done.
