W has been making lot's of progress reading her 'how to get a divorce' book. She reads a chapter every night and leaves it on her bed open to where she left off. She's on the 'what to do when you don't have money to spend on lawyers' chapter.
She's cycled back to 'neutral' in her interactions with me. Sunday night she tells me she's going to her girlfriends house for dinner because 'nobody wants to hang around with me'. Obviously she is feeling rejected by D17 and D12.
So I say "I'll hang around with you, all you have to do is ask" and smile. She says that she's already got plans to go to her friends. She wasn't mean, just neutral.
So, she leaves.
Here's a story that happened Sunday morning. I was sitting around at a little before 11 am thinking what I wanted to do. I got the idea that I should go to the service at this local church that I have been meaning to go to for the past few weeks. I've never been to a service there, or anywhere, in years. This church's services are very musical, and it's a pretty cool church.
I was not really enthused about going, but eventually I decided at the last minute that I should go, because I wanted to be around people who were happy. I didn't expect anything but a chance to be around people and positive energy. Like I said, I have never been there before.
It's a big church, kind of like an auditorium, so I went in and sat in one of the seats in the upper level.
About 2 minutes later, W's friend 'D' comes walking up the steps to where I am, says hi to me and sits in the seat in front of me.
I don't know 'D' very well other than I know her husband has drinking problems, and she's a very strong spirited woman. They have 3 kids and a pretty good outlook on life. I have never had a conversation with her about anything.
We have had them over our house a few times but not for a while.
After the service, she walks next to me and puts her arm around me and asks me how I am doing. I'm not sure what to say since I don't know what W has told her. So I just say that I'm ok.
She leans toward me and says "I pray for your family every day, and for your marriage to be healed."
I was totally surprised. I had no idea there was anybody in W's life who didn't want her to do what she's doing.
'D' and I ended up talking for about 1/2 hour. She told me that she trys to talk to W and get her to understand that divorce is not the answer to her problems. She says that she thinks she's really hurt because when she talks about it W cries. But she says W gets angry that she brings it up too. 'D' thinks that because of that our marriage has a chance if W will actually get real help.
She said that she could see that I was the stronger one in the marriage because I was THERE, at the church, and W wasn't.
Anyway, it was very weird to meet up with her, and to hear so much positiveness because she truly believes God wants our marriage to work, that we are together for a reason.
So, that's my story. Sometimes things look bleak, but then these rays of light show up when I least expect them.
I talked to 'D' today, and she did point out that W is adamant that this is what she wants, and she doesn't talk about this topic much any more. It was only in the beginning, in January - February where she was emotional about it.
However, she says that W has to find her way to God on her own. And whatever happens will happen on Gods time.
When I was giving D17 a ride to her friends tonight she told me that W is thinking of changing her name to 'Loralie' and getting a hummingbird tattoo on her 40th birthday in July. She also said that she told D17 she was looking at place to live and would probably end up in a town about 20 minutes away because it's affordable. She didn't say she was actually moving, just that she was looking around to see what she could afford.
Tonight W is home making dinner. She seems unhappy again. So the pendulum is swinging the other way.
Putting my faith in God, for whatever future awaits.
Yeah, she is. We watched TV together tonight. She was joking about the people in 'Dance with the Stars' and I joked back. After the show was over she was watching the next one (Tivo) and I decided I better leave because I don't want to seem to eager to be her friend.
But I do agree, she is a MLC-er, possibly brought on by the pressure of our financials, and of my depression. Regardless, it isn't about me. She's lost. And she's hurting her family.
And I know that MLC cannot be DB'ed. It has to take its course.
