Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[GH31]

Just got back from holiday and this is the 8th day that W has been back. Things have taken a very bad turn for the worse and W is now saying that she wants more "time apart" to "reflect". She told me in the airport last night that she "just wants us to be friends for now". It has now been 3 months since all of this began and I am at the end of my rope.

When she asked me the same question last week, I asked her if she too was 100% to working on our future together and she said "yes, but there would be a transition period". She has had a surge of hurt and resentment since she came back and has said that it is "too much, too soon" and that she "isn't ready ready to live me again yet". She is also saying she might go back to stay with OM "for a while" in England and also confessed to me that she still has stuff at his house that she would need to go and collect "at some stage". They still have contact.

We have been sleeping together and she has been happy for me to caress/hold/massage her but she just cannot get past this resentment and hurt. At least not now, and she doesn't want to give it a chance. We have been sharing a bed and perhaps we got a little too far ahead of ourselves. She admits that she was hopelessly in love with me before and probably still is deep down, but that the hurt and resentment are getting in the way. Frankly I am crushed beyond belief, feeling betrayed, used and taken for a ride all over again. I paid for this holiday and she suggested it.


I frankly think that she is still vacillating between me and OM and that until one of us is out of the picture, she cannot decide - literally that she physiologically cannot. She either has to complete withdrawal or the A has to die a natural death before anything can begin again in earnest. If she is undergoing withdrawal then of course it is very easy to feel resentment, anger, hurt, depression, anxiety but I cannot see any way to effectively communicate this.

Going back to DBing 101, I think the first sign that things have progressed will be that she doesn't go again. I have a flight on Monday going back to Sydney which I am thinking of taking, and she is asking if I can ship all of her stuff back. Father-in-law lives in the home that we had and he would be very happy for me to stay again. Please help. I feel that I am in an even worse place than when I started DBing. We both agree that separation is very dangerous to a marriage.

best,

GH31