Hi there Arthur - what I have found to my cost (and seen it a bit in other situations too) is that when offered a chink at the door the overwhelming temptation is to try to prise the door open a bit more...only to get rebuffed. And in that interaction, a little hard won self respect and self esteem is lost. I'm definitely not saying don't recognise it and list it as a really positive step...it is!
On the pressie front - how about birthday pressie (s) from the boys - your W will still recognise your thought and effort in making that happen.
The anniversary is a much thornier one. As I see it you have 3 options:
1. business as usual 2. cancel the event this year 3. recognise it but with the rider that things are different - i.e perhaps cut the mushy hearts and flowers and go for an aspirational, uplifting card (there are lots around with sunsets, mountains, dreamy landscapes etc and saying e.g. "I know things are hard etc " but "wanted you to know etc" "from your friend" "hope you find etc".
Not sure about having one in your back-pocket tho'. This would suggest that you're reacting to her lead - I understand it - I really do...but in a sense something like this might be best dealt with through boldness and doing what you feel is right - regardless of how she is going to play it. Trying to second guess how your W is going to play this and then fitting in with that might leave you feeling a bit frustrated / awkward / inadequate / needy.
You could always ask her...
But - all IMO and experience.
Best - GFI
Last edited by GFI; 04/23/0809:22 AM.
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
