She's Gone - No Contact (Part 2)

[MichelleLT]

I have recently realized how badly I screwed up.

It's great to realize your part in it, but she had a part in it too. Acknowledge your faults, but don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. Sometimes the hardest and MOST important part is forgiving yourself.

I deserve this treatment from her.

No, you don't. You are a human being with faults. But you did not single-handedly ruin your relationship nor do you deserve to be treated with less than common courtesy.

Forgive yourself.

[Kinlovewithm]

Thanks Michelle. You're right. Even though I certainly could have handled things differently (and intend to if there is a next time with anyone), she was very unwilling to "work" on the relationship from the beginning. Every time there was a problem, she "broke up" with me.

I realize now how wrong that was. She was never committed and that is so important and so opposite of me. I would have stuck by her through just about anything. She was always ready to throw in the towel - possibly because of her religious issues and possibly because maybe she didn't love me like I loved her. She told me she didn't at the end. I guess I need to believe what she said. It's just so unfair. I know life (and love) ain't fair.

I am trying to forgive myself. It's very hard to do.

I'm doing fine. I go for several hours now without even thinking of her. It used to be several minutes about a year ago. It's just a roller coaster, especially with my perimenopause-induced mood swings. I have really good days (and hours) and then I have not-so-good days (and hours).

Thanks again. Maybe I'll meet someone new soon. I think that's the only way I'm going to give her up completely.

[BobbiJo]

Take advantage of your "spring fever"--get outside, do some fun things. And the added benefit is you may meet someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I think you are right, once you meet someone new, you will not be as focused on thinking about her.

[Kinlovewithm]

Thanks BJ! I appreciate the kind words. I'm feeling pretty good today.

[Kinlovewithm]

Journaling: This spring/summer weather is driving me crazy. I'm wanting so badly to spend the summer with someone (ex would be nice). I'm OK alone in my house or at work but when it's time to take trips, enjoy being outdoors, I miss ex so much. We got together for the first time in the spring, spent a lot of time outdoors when we were together and it just makes my situation more painful. I love summer and it's such a great time to be in love. Do I sound like a teenager? I think, in many ways, I've never grown up.

[Kinlovewithm]

Just reporting in. Thanks again to all of you who helped me through the past 3 months. I actually feel "normal" again. Of course, I do still think of "her" periodically throughout every day but no tears or depression or anything like that.

I've been extremely busy finalizing my spring classwork (graduate degree) and landscaping my backyard. I actually did most of the work myself and I'm rather proud. It was my first attempt at digging holes (since I was a kid).

I haven't found anyone to date yet but will certainly be on the lookout. I do have a few new friends from school and that is nice. All my old friends are here too. Life is good.

Hope you're all doing well.

[MichelleLT]

I am glad you are doing well. It sounds like you have some really fun projects going on. ((((hugs)))))

[Kinlovewithm]

Thanks for dropping by Michelle. Hope you're doing well. Thanks for the hugs. Hugs to you too.

I've been a little lonely today (Mother's Day). I'm not a mother, my mother's deceased and GF and I were "together" last year the weekend of Mother's Day. Just brings back some great memories of what I had and lost. But I've been working all day (after church). Lots of schoolwork. I'm almost done! K

[NikB]

((((K))))

Good to hear from you! Glad you found a way to distract yourself today.

[W2G]

Glad you're checking in K! Nice to hear from you!

Hugs,
W2G