i'm clueless....

[Dom R]

I see what you are saying. I know that they are not my choice to make. I suggest he spend time witht the girls and take medicine, most times he chooses not to listen anyways. How is that any different than him spending time with me?

Because the relationship with a spouse, is different from the relationship with a child, last I checked

sidebar: truth be told... some men simply do not like being around children.
Do NOT try to change that, if it is the case. Just accept it. Try to make the time he does spend with them, as pleasant as you can. But dont push him to do more with them than he is happy to do.


PLUS, there's a big difference between complaining, "I want you to treat someone else differently", and "I want you to treat ME better".

I can't force him to. I can ask him to, but ultimately he gets to decide what he wants to do.

And here's the other difference.
You dont have the power or right to alter the dynamic of his relationship with his daughter. That is between him, and her.
However, you DO have the power, AND right, to alter the dynamic of his relationship with YOU.
Because YOU, control YOU.

It's like you said in your post about your confrontation with him:

Like i told him. I'm willing to stick around and try and do my best, but i won't deal with the pain and hurt that i went through before. That if it comes to that, he won't need to tell me he wants a D this time, because I will leave.

more food for thought...

i can't make him care and sadly, i don't expect him too... then again, maybe i'm just having a bad day. i dunno

oh, but you are mistaken there.
You are blessed beyond many people here, in that YOUR spouse, DOES care.
He's just being stinking lazy about showing it.

And the thing is... you are allowing him to be that way.

Dont allow him to be that way any more.

I think you're halfway to getting him to come around the "easy" way; with words alone.
RIght now, you've woken him up, to where he is actually listening seriously to your words.
Tomorrow/today, ask him what his plan is to make things better in your marriage.

When he doesnt have anything, then start telling him what you want and need from him.
More time from him together, more help... Dont get carried away with a grand wishlist of everything you could possibly want as a "princess".. just what any reasonable woman would EXPECT FROM A HUSBAND. (like I said... more time, and more help. may I suggest a specific amount of positive time together, and a specific amount of help, though. Men dont deal well with being told "more". they need specifics.)

He'll complain, he'll whine....

Remind him of his claim that you are [waht did he say? best wife? most important woman... whatever it was...] Then challenge him to put his money where is mouth is, so to speak.

Then if he refuses to come through and treat you like the most important person in his life....
shut him out.
dont cook him dinner. dont wash his clothes. You might even go as far as not even speaking to him.
DEFINATELY no sex with him.


I dont think this sort of approach is appropriate for everyone.

But in YOUR CASE, where you MUST get results, and commitment out of your husband, in the next week or two... (and we know that he does actually care about you)... I think that you may have to go to that level.

Good luck. From the limited amount I know of your situation... I think this has a great chance of working for you, Ann.