My husband said he needed more space....

[seekpeaceofmind]

I know he's sorry for what happened in January

I always wonder - Was he sorry for his behavior or was he sorry for getting caught?

I told him that I wanted him to stop calling her. he promised he would but that I also needed to drop it and let it go to be able to focus on the real issues.

Does he get to define what the "real issues" are? And the real issues are all about you and your behavior, but not so much about him and his choices?

It sounds like he's been lying - at least by omission - and that is an important issue in any M. I would agree that you won't gain anything in healing the issues in your M by confronting him now or dwelling on things that can't/won't be changed. I have very little contact with my H, so I have no experience to offer in dealing with your kind of sitch. I just would say that you seem to be owning most of the responsibility for the problems in your M and it almost always takes two to get to this point. But - as we all know the only one we can control or change is ourself, so it's great to take appropriate responsibility and focus on your DB strategies if only because they will be good for you. Maybe with an emphasis on PMA and GAL? You can deal with his behavior if and when he is ready to take on his share of the R issues. You're not in MC at this point, right?

I know you weren't really asking for advice, but I know that in your place right now, I would be pretty miserable thinking about all of the what ifs, whys, what next types of thoughts. . . .