I have so much to say but not much time to say it. Congrats on how far you've come...and yes yes yes yes yes your current experience is "normal" and frustrating...and piecing (I think) is somewhat more challenging than when things are all bad because we suddenly return to having expectations.
You have to stay detached from the outcome...patience is just huge...everything you learned in early DBing applies and then some.
It took 1 1/2 years of piecing for me to get to a place where I was ready/able to forgive my H for his EA, and he was able to hear what I needed to say. It will happen in time....are you guys in MC? I'd say that's a good place to start...and then just let her do the talking for the first 3-4 months. Let her put everything out on the table, let your C help you guys navigate the misconceptions and rebuilding. Then and only then when she's feeling better about everything will she be able to hear what you have to say.
Is it fair? No. But you are the one with the capacity to do it. You are the one with the knowledge and understanding and staying power at this point. It is a sacrifice...but you will get your turn. I promise.
I remember you as a newbie...and I have to say, you have come SO far. You started out so haughty and angry and self-righteous...and I hear a man now who has matured past ego. I wish you all the best....
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
