I know what you mean - I do the same thing. You have to realize that you are threatening her in a way - you're challenging her outlook and that creates tension. Somewhere I read that you should think of it like kung fu - accept their energy and redirect it. Agree with her (except about the kids) so that she has nothing to argue with, but see if you can change the logic in some way. It's hard to do - not sure if I've been able to do it yet. Which is why just avoiding R talks altogether is the better option. If she asks you a question, answer as civilly as possible and then change the subject to neutral ground.
