OK guys, new situation, different woman. In a couple of weeks I will be blessed with the opportunity to interact with my former Coffee Buddy at a kids dance performance, oh joy of joys Now, for those of you fortunate enough to not know about the Coffee Buddy sitch I will briefly explain. CB is a woman I befriended a few months before my W and I separated. Our D's went to the same daycare, same summer program, same dance classes...you get the picture. I'd known her for two years but had often avoided her because she seemed to like me, which is OK, but I was determined to save my M. I didn't want anything getting in the way of that no matter how much of a b!tch my W was being. Also to be fair, CB was doing nothing inappropriate, her face would just light up whenever she saw me and she'd beam me the most incredible smile, give me a little wave and sometimes we'd chat. We now began to go out together for coffee while their class was on. We began confiding in each other and, according to my shrink, formed an "intense emotional bond" as we shared very personal and painful experiences with each other. She listened to me, shed tears for me and validated me. I believed we had become friends (OK, I confess, I was also thinking that down the road I could boff her...in a R, of course. I wasn't all shiny and pure in this, I know!)She had a bf, who she rarely mentioned but I was in no place to be thinking R with anyone anyway. I was just enjoying feeling connected with her, something I hadn't felt with a woman for a long time. I was the perfect gentleman, treated her like the beautiful woman she was but made sure I did nothing to compromise our friendship. But, it was weird, a direct violation of the Parents Waiting For Children Handbook, Mom's don't hang out with Dad's...uh uh. I also wondered more than once whether this was fair to her, I mean my R was done, hers wasn't. Near the end we were spending three of the four available evenings each month together but, I swear, nothing was happening. Anyway, Once I separated from my W Coffee Buddy ditched me. She suddenly just cut off virtually all contact with me. At one point we had an opportunity to talk and I asked her if I had done something to make her uncomfortable and she replied "No, I just have chores to do, please don't think you've done anything wrong, you haven't" and that was that. The last time I spent with her was at a Christmas concert and we actually sat together (???) and talked appropriately to each other. It was nice. Afterwards, she returned to carrying out her unofficial no contact policy and I haven't seen her since. I also decided that rather than face her weekly drive by's, where she'd drop and pick up her kid without getting out of the car, I'd go to a church group instead. So, now XW picks up our D each week. I didn't need the weekly feeling of being unwanted. So in a few weeks I have to interact with her again. I'm a bit anxious. The way she disposed of me was rather hurtful and pretty extreme (a friend of mine said "she acts like you f@cked her"!) especially considering I was going through the worst time in my life and she was fully aware of it. But, I also recognize that we were maybe getting a little too intimate and she had a R to protect, I had to go. So, I think I'll just be polite and pleasant and talk about the friggin weather but stay away from any personal comments and/or questions. A long bathroom trip may also be in order. She's made clear that she wants nothing more to do with me, I'll honour that. Part of me is still a bit hurt but another part of me really does understand. Hey, how the heck was she supposed to deal with it? Was she to say "Hey Whatis, you know this thing we're doing that really isn't anything well, we have to stop doin it" How do you discuss that with someone? It was just a really bad time to have to deal with another rejection. I don't want to be mean, as it is not deserved but I also don't want make myself vulnerable to her either by acting the "friend". So knowing I'm gonna have to deal with her again in a few weeks (and yes, I will have to deal with her) stirs up all that emotional crap again. Does all this make sense or should I go back to the laundry room?
Now, for those of you fortunate enough to not know about the Coffee Buddy sitch I will briefly explain. CB is a woman I befriended a few months before my W and I separated. Our D's went to the same daycare, same summer program, same dance classes...you get the picture. I'd known her for two years but had often avoided her because she seemed to like me, which is OK, but I was determined to save my M. I didn't want anything getting in the way of that no matter how much of a b!tch my W was being. Also to be fair, CB was doing nothing inappropriate, her face would just light up whenever she saw me and she'd beam me the most incredible smile, give me a little wave and sometimes we'd chat. We now began to go out together for coffee while their class was on. We began confiding in each other and, according to my shrink, formed an "intense emotional bond" as we shared very personal and painful experiences with each other. She listened to me, shed tears for me and validated me. I believed we had become friends (OK, I confess, I was also thinking that down the road I could boff her...in a R, of course. I wasn't all shiny and pure in this, I know!)She had a bf, who she rarely mentioned but I was in no place to be thinking R with anyone anyway. I was just enjoying feeling connected with her, something I hadn't felt with a woman for a long time. I was the perfect gentleman, treated her like the beautiful woman she was but made sure I did nothing to compromise our friendship. But, it was weird, a direct violation of the Parents Waiting For Children Handbook, Mom's don't hang out with Dad's...uh uh. I also wondered more than once whether this was fair to her, I mean my R was done, hers wasn't. Near the end we were spending three of the four available evenings each month together but, I swear, nothing was happening. Anyway, Once I separated from my W Coffee Buddy ditched me. She suddenly just cut off virtually all contact with me. At one point we had an opportunity to talk and I asked her if I had done something to make her uncomfortable and she replied "No, I just have chores to do, please don't think you've done anything wrong, you haven't" and that was that. The last time I spent with her was at a Christmas concert and we actually sat together (???) and talked appropriately to each other. It was nice. Afterwards, she returned to carrying out her unofficial no contact policy and I haven't seen her since. I also decided that rather than face her weekly drive by's, where she'd drop and pick up her kid without getting out of the car, I'd go to a church group instead. So, now XW picks up our D each week. I didn't need the weekly feeling of being unwanted. So in a few weeks I have to interact with her again. I'm a bit anxious. The way she disposed of me was rather hurtful and pretty extreme (a friend of mine said "she acts like you f@cked her"!) especially considering I was going through the worst time in my life and she was fully aware of it. But, I also recognize that we were maybe getting a little too intimate and she had a R to protect, I had to go. So, I think I'll just be polite and pleasant and talk about the friggin weather but stay away from any personal comments and/or questions. A long bathroom trip may also be in order. She's made clear that she wants nothing more to do with me, I'll honour that. Part of me is still a bit hurt but another part of me really does understand. Hey, how the heck was she supposed to deal with it? Was she to say "Hey Whatis, you know this thing we're doing that really isn't anything well, we have to stop doin it" How do you discuss that with someone? It was just a really bad time to have to deal with another rejection. I don't want to be mean, as it is not deserved but I also don't want make myself vulnerable to her either by acting the "friend". So knowing I'm gonna have to deal with her again in a few weeks (and yes, I will have to deal with her) stirs up all that emotional crap again. Does all this make sense or should I go back to the laundry room? 
