So, I filed, then emailed W that I'd done so. She called in tears saying she had just filed. She was REALLY upset for some reason - couldn't figure out why. She said I must not trust her and I said I didn't. Then she said she felt like she'd done something to make me angry - ?! I told her that I was in the middle of packing up 12 years of my life and ending my marriage because my W refused to honor her vows and placed OM above a committed R.
We talked more in that half-whispering, long silences way that I'm sure you're all familiar with. Damn, despite all that's going on we still talk so well. Anyway, she said she hadn't changed her mind and I said I didn't think it would matter if she did. I said I had always thought this might happen and when she asked why, told her I'd always felt I'd put more into the R than her. She said she wasn't sure she could be in a long-term R.
And that's the big red flag, and what I read in her journals. She's got some deep-down core issues that will cause her to continue on this self-destructive path no matter how much I love her. She's got to deal with herself.
Anyway, the reason I started this whole thing is that during our conversation she thanked me for being able to be at a party with her with only a few awkward moments. I told her I'd always be kind and polite to her, but not to expect anything more. She'd chosen to try and get that from someone else.
Damn, looks like I'm out the $300 bucks filing fee. lodo
