I don't think there's anything with simple acts of kindness. What I've been talking about is letting the wayward spouse know, in no uncertain terms, that if they decide to end their marriage this way (by refusing to end an affair, and come back and agree to work on the marriage), that you will never be their best friend, or even a particularly GOOD friend.
Big difference. AOKs (Acts of Kindness), I think, are not only OK if they are genuine, I think they give the wayward spouse something to thinking about losing after the marriage is over.
