How do they walk away?

[fishobx]

Can't believe I found this book so fast! Here's the title:
My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
by Anne Bercht

Not necesarily a MLC theme, but I found it particularly valuable for overcoming what most people seem to think a marriage can never overcome.

[Grace_O]

Treese,

Even if he needed th haircut, he did mow the grass. That's really nice.

Try not to put to much stock in what others think regarding his being manipulative b/c of settlement stuff. If you look at the settlement as a business transaction in which you look out for yourself first then you'll be ok. It doesn't have to come from a place of anger (even though I know how that ugly beast can rear it's be head).

[Treese]

Fish;

Thanks so much for stopping by....I plan on getting that book...At least I'm reading more....just everything....not just about H...

Yes, my girls know about the affair and they are soooooo upset..we have raised them Catholic and D15 is not doing well with this...H has told her he has a girlfriend because he is only married on paper...not something you should tell a 15 yr old...D21 is not speaking to him either....they understand relationships, that there are bumps in the road...but they also know that you try to overcome those obstacles...he said he tried but he NEVER told me anything was wrong...he was a great actor...honestly...we had our tifs but wow......

please keep checking in....I love to read about those who overcome....I'm glad you are doing well...

Treese..

Grace:

You are always such a great inspiration...thanks for checking in...we need to talk...I will give you a call..

Treese

[ddstartingover]

..he said he tried but he NEVER told me anything was wrong...he was a great actor...
Treese

I told my H at the MC office yesterday this same thing. That if he was as miserable as he now says he was, why did he not say anything and how could he have been such a good actor? I admit that I was unhappy too, and wish now that I would have sought help a long time ago----now H tells me it's too late. Not fair, but as I tell my kids..............life is not fair, and fair is a 4 letter word....................

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Treese))))))

You are getting better. Keep it up!

[Treese]

Evening all....

Kind of sad this evening...weather is beautiful...we used to go out and walk or sit outside on the patio and have a beer...laugh...now...I sit alone...too much time to think...everything comes flooding in again...the IDLYA, "we're only married on paper", "our divorce is inevitable", "the kids will be fine as long as they know we both love them", "I haven't been happy for 15 years", "you'll just have to accept it", "yes, I have a girlfriend now", I want it all to stop.....and I have to stop it.....30 years is just hard to just STOP.......

A friend emailed me this and I wanted to share it...(((Hugs)))

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's
arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry
as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over
an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his
watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would
evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the
doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his
wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's
appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat
breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.
He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim
of Alzheimer's Disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized
him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even
though she doesn't know who you are?'
He smiled as he patted my hand and said,
'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and
thought,

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'
True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they
just make the best of everything they have.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,but how to dance in the rain.'

[kikifree]

That was very beautiful. Hang in there Treese.

[mishka422]

Treese,

Thank you so much for sharing that. It made me cry so hard but it also brought me to the point I have been searching for. The point of letting go of my H and knowing that he will need to do whatever he needs to do for himself and I must do the same. I can't hold on to the hurt any longer and I should only look back at all the wonderful times we had together and be grateful for them.

I will continue to pray for you and your kids.

Hang in there! You're doing awesome!

Michelle

[Treese]

Mishka;

I pray daily for everyone on this board...for us to have the courage and strength to stand for as long as we have to..we have invested a very long time in our M's and it has to be worth the wait...at least that is what I'm hoping for...It's hard when my H says not to have hope, to accept it, and move on...it's just not that easy for me....

I wanted to send that poem to my H but I didn't. He would only take it the wrong way....

I cried again last night, as I was trying to sleep, not only for my M but for my kids who are suffering from all this pain...I truly don't think he'll be back because of pride...and that is sad...I am a different person...really....and I like myself now...

Take Care....

Treese

[Treese]

Help....I need to vent big time.....

I am so frustrated right now...I am so not good at this DBing...I want to hug my H...I hate going to bed alone....I miss my H so much, it's eating me alive...I do do other things...with my friends, etc..., my kids are so busy with sports and friends that sometimes I left sitting on my couch while son is outside playing and D15 is with a friend...I miss the inteaction with my H...just sitting around talking and smiling and him rubbing my legs, etc....it sucks, and I know I can't do anything about it, but it is eating me alive....it's been 15 months, probably longer that he's been with this OW on and off, mainly on...and he had a baby with another girl 8 years ago, so why can't I just hate him and go on...He's moved on, he is happy now, doesn't really bother him that D's aren't talking to him...
I made my home safe for H to come back, to try and work on our M, but all he does is take advantage of me and come over and cut his hair and shower in my house and then leave to go to OW house to be with her and have s** with her....someone tell me how they do that....do they really not care...it's so hard to comprehend when you are so torn up.....cause we are sane and they are not, but they think they are...

Am I going to open my door one day to someone serving me divorce papers...I am on the edge now, what then, I guess people will be visiting me in the looney bin....geez....can't I just smack the smile off his face....How can he be so happy, while I'm so sad?

I"m doing it all,everything, while he is screwing around and sleeping in and all comfy and cozy, and I'm struggling...shouldn't they be the ones to struggle and feel bad.

I know, I know,get over it....work on me...how do you do that when you wake up in the morning thinking about them and you think about them all day, and then when you go to bed you cry yourself to sleep because you want to reach out and touch them and they are not there.....aaaagggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I just want the pain to go away....that's it....

Sorry, had to get that out or I would have blown.....

Butterflymom; How in the heck did you do it.? I want my family back and I haven't called him or anything, unless it has to do with the kids., I've given him space...I think he's loving that he doesnt see me, after all he doesn't want to be married anymore...