had major backslide with h on the phone. threatening emails back and forth, he told me "I haven't been this happy in years!" it got ugly and I got ugly back. total db backslide! I'm just so angry and hurt and his total personality change is dumbfounding!
he's acting like he was "never happy with me", which is a total lie!! I know this!! We had many good years and times! he was SO in love with me! What the f is going on???
Maryangela, don't beat yourself up, we all backslide now and then. Then again what he told you WAS UGLY, no wonder you got angry. Don't believe a word he says, though, it's typical WAS talk.
Next time try to avoid confrontation. You can tell him "I'm sorry that you feel that way" and then hang up.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
just checking to see how you are doing. BTW, I'm in "Piecing" and my h and I are together and doing pretty well. His mother was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer so we'll have some rough spots, but I don't think the hard stuff will be between US, but with the whole challenge of facing his mom's death and his own mortality.
SO, there is hope. Either way, I just know by how hard you are working and the fact that you "get it" as far as taking charge of your life, you'll be alright. YOU make YOU happy. Don't let his idiot choices ruin your life. The best "revenge" is YOUR happiness.
In fact, consider your life to be a novel. Do you like this book? Who's writing it now? How about writing the rest of it yourself? It's your life, so be the author of it. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Mary - I see you started another new thread. FYI that gets really, really confusing for those of us trying to follow and help you. It's also frustrating not to get responses to things that we're posting to you. If you don't want replies please just say so and use the site for journaling.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
ok, he's buying a car as we speak. I dissapointed because I thought we were going to do it together. Also, I just have this feeling that ow (who he said he is no longer seeing) is with him. I should be happy because I'm basically getting a new car out of this, so why do I feel so sad? This is something we would have done together, I guess that's why. I'm just so sick of being sad all the time over him. I actually went 1 day without crying. Now I am crying as I'm typing this. I feel like my family is majorly slipping away. so f'ing painful.
h is coming here with new car and we will drive together to pick up his (that is now mine) in a few minutes. It's an hour ride. I'm angry because I have reason to believe that ow was with him at the dealership.
He told me it was over this week. We had good R talks (he initiated), there was even things coming out of his mouth like, "I don't knowif I am ready to come home yet" as opposed to just a few weeks ago when he said he was NEVER coming home. There has been a softening this week. I totally took responsiblity for my side of the street and totally acknowledged his feeligs. Very good db'ing I must say. We had 3 really good talks and talked about getting our finanical house in order and he seemed to really be on the same page when I told him I want to do this as a couple. I wasn't manipulating him, but it's the truth.
now this. he swears the ow wasn't there and it was a friend of the "old lady" (she's a professor that he's been renting a room from -- like 70 years old) and that she went with him to drop him off at the dealership.
A part of me wants to believe him so badly, but I know it's probably a lie. It's like I set myself up for this. I'm just so sick of being sad.
last night was a disaster. h came home so we could pick up my new car (his old one as he bought a new one since mine died). When he came in the house, we talked more about this refi that he desp. wants to do. I again told him I would be more comfortable with it if we were doing it because we are working on our finances TOGETHER (as per my dad's advise) and asked again if he meant it when he said we could give our marriage another try. Then, believe it or not, we had sex. Initiated by both.
After, we picked up d5 from daycare and went about the hour drive to pick up the car. On the way there we talked about what giving it another try would mean. I told him I respeced the fact that he wasn't ready to come home (he earlier said he wants to wait until August as he has paid for a place upfront til then). I was fine with that. Then I said, "well then until then, why don't we do once a week date nights?". I was really loving when I said this. He then got quite. I asked what up and he basically (to make a long story short) told me that he "can't" and the ow is still very much in the picture. I can't even remember what else he said because he told me this week that she was OUT of the picture! God WAS' are such liars! He totally manipulated me by saying it was over with her and wanting to give our marriage another try to get the refi!!
Now, please understand. When he first brought up the refi, I told him I needed to think about it because this refi will basically take all the equity out of our house. I then talked to my dad, whom I very much trust when it comes to financial matters as he ran a very successul business, not to mention he is 70 and has lots of life experience with regards to marriage and seeing people divorce, etc. My dad basically said that while he didn't agree with the refi in general, he felt that as long as we were working on our finances in general and OTHER issues in the marriage together, then it made more sense,but only if we were working as a couple with all of this. That made sense to me. My h adores and respects my dad and seem to "get this" 2 days ago when we really talked about the refi which ended up in one of the best R talks we have ever had.
I was loving, totally took responsibiliy of my side of the street and completely validated his feelings. There was a def. softening on his part.
Now this. He was just stringing me along to for me to sign the refi (which I haven't since we haven't closed on it yet).
I know I set myself up for a fall, but it's like I got kicked in the stomach again. As per DB, I have NEVER quizzed him about ow. I don't even ask what her name is, what she does for a living, nothing. I still haven't asked and I won't.
I tried to be quiet in the car rest of the way, but he kept bringing up ow. He loves her, blah, blah, blah. I told him, to pleasee stop talking about it as d5 was in the backseat (she was watching a dvd on a portable player and I PRAY she didn't hear our convo.
Is there ANY hope at all in getting back together if he is so "in love" with ow? As anyone heard of such a thing? I cried the whole way home (I was alone -- he has d5 for the weekend). He just sounds so "final" about it. I know that affairs fizzle out and they (from what I estimate) have only been together for about 3 months. (about 2 weeks prior to him telling me initial I don't love you bomb, but lied that there was someone else which I found out later).
Is there any chance here? I'm going LRT big time now. No more R talks. I guess the only thing I can do is to "wait" for this affair to run it's course.
Oh, one more important thing. I don't know why he said this and i can't remember in what context, but he told me that he would still be home if he hadn't met ow.
I know this sounds wierd, but I haven't been really jealous of ow until this point. I knew she was just a symptom of other issues. my now I feel like she is some goddess who is 'better' than me and that h will never want to be away from her.
It doesn't matter about the OW... it's hard to believe but it doesn't.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I love you nik -- but could you explain how the OW doesn't matter? he told me he loves her and I just don't know how he will ever want to come back if he is "so in love" with this OW? It's like his mind is set in stone. LIke "she's the one", and I was a "mistake".
