Patience is key

[addie]

Kalni, you really made me chuckle.

Seriously now, I'm conflicted about this. It's a very good position and I know H would do an excellent job as he always has with any position. It would be great for his career. On the otherhand, my H has never been happy with any job he's had. None of his jobs have ever lived up to his expectations (just like our M). He's looking for external sources of happiness but doesn't realize he has to be happy with himself first. No matter what job he has or where he's living, he has to deal with his issues first. I'm not going to interfere with the process. I'll leave this one in God's hands. So to answer your question Kalni, no negative vibes. I do appreciate the support. LOL

Jen, sorry I didn't see your post. Thanks for the encouragement.

[W2G]

Hi Addie,

I'm with Jen in wondering if you've had the opportunity to really learn about this new city.. in case your H actually does land the job..

Do you think the time you've spent apart has helped him to see that your M is not the reason for his unhappiness? That he's just not happy with himself?

W2G

[addie]

Ping, sorry I didn't see your post earlier and Jen, you evil mind (hehehe), I didn't see your second post. I must have been writing my post (had trouble submitting) when you guys responded.
W2G, I don't know whether H's come to that realization yet. It would be a major step for him to admit that to himself.
My dilemma about moving to another city is more about H's unhappiness rather than actual location. I fear he would still not be satisfied with his job and we'd be right back at square one. The other thing is that I've notified my place of employment back home (I had a deadline) that I'd be returning to work at the end of the summer. After we separated, H requested that I do this. Either way, I'll have a lot of tough decisions to make.

[Kalni]

I must stop immediately with the pins and needles, s$$t!! This time difference... I hope I still have time to reverse this whole thing... (Where did I put that doll?)(LOL!!!!!!).

You are a good woman, a good person. He is a lucky man he has you to love him. He will figure it out.

You will make the right decisions when you will have to. Take it slowly. Things change...

Love
K

[stella_k]

Addie, IMHO you should proceed with whatever you have planned for yourself (moving back to hometown and getting your job back) and let him sort out his mess. One cannot make a weighty decision while in the "foggy" state of mind. Let him try, he doesn't have to live or die by his decision and when he won't have a worthwile result he may start rethinking all of his impetuous actions.

[JenInVen]

I was researching voodoo dolls on Google...gonna have to cancel the order!

Stella has a point. Going back to your old job would show how strong you are and it would mean you and S would be more financially stable. I can see why you don't want to go to another city. I think there is a time when you have to settle down and make a life somewhere. H seems to be in search of something that he'll never find without some soul searching and some C. Does he see a C Addie?

In any case I still think you can check out this city and see what kind of employment opportunities they have. Just so you know.

Jen

[stella_k]

Addie, I've read my own post and didn't like the sound of it. As if I was saying "do your thing no matter what and let your H deal with his mess alone". What I was trying to say was that: if you go with him NOW, before he is back to his own self and can take full responsibility for his actions, you may prolong the rollercoaster ride. He will take a new job, move to the new city, find himself unhappy, which seems to have become a pattern with him, and blame it on you once again. When he will be out of the fog for good you will know it and will make your decision accordingly.

I'm not sure this one is much better (post) but will submit it anyway :).

[addie]

Kalni, Jen - too funny (hahahaha!!!!) I really appreciate your willingness to help out.

Stella, I understood exactly what you meant by your first post. My gut tells me to do exactly what you suggested.

H has been unhappy for a very long time, even before we got married (although he's been able to hide it off and on throughout our R). He doesn't confront or try to delve into any of the issues. His way of dealing with things is to run, move onto something new that may make him happier, only to discover he's still unhappy. He refuses to acknowledge that there's anything wrong. I really think he may need more than counselling - I think he needs meds. He has suffered from anxiety attacks in the past, mom had (passed away) severe OCD which no one has acknowledged, SIL also has OCD. There's a history of denial in the family. Unfortunately, he refuses to get help. Until he gets help, the pattern will keep repeating itself.

[Kalni]

I just remembered how you sounded on your first posts here... Can YOU tell the difference? It is amazing!!
I am so happy you have found the strength and power to deal with this.
K

[addie]

Since H left here last night, I received an email from him and 2 calls about nothing in particular - one last night after he sent the email (although at the time I didn't realize he had emailed me) and one first thing this morning asking if he could stop by to use the computer tonight.

Back to the email.
He says he's feeling very much alone, he has no one to talk to, not even a TV in his place but realizes it's of his own doing. He doesn't want to continue being alone. (This part reminds me of the dog analogy - where the alien picks up the dog's leash (OW) to go with him on his journey because he doesn't want to be alone on the journey).
He also states that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and that he still cares, that he's tired of running but doesn't know if "things are stale" or that maybe he hasn't done enough or maybe he's just p.o with life. He hopes that I can forgive him for "all the stupid things" he's done. He is still trying to figure out things in his mind but it's been a long process.

I haven't responded to the email yet. SIGH!!!