You have accused me of calling you a bitch? Pull up the quote. I don't recall being the one that called you a bitch.
I will however cop to calling you a self-righteous brat. That I recall VERY vividly.
By the way, the "God" card doesn't work with me. I am VERY obviously a work in progress but that will not stop me from sharing what I've learned about God, faith, grace and accountability. The day I start waiting til I think I'm "good enough" to talk about the Lord, is the day the devil will have shut my mouth for good and that will never happen.
Hey Dar...first off you are in my prayers with your diagnosis. Sometimes though we can use things like that for good. It can draw us closer to God and others. Really your marriage needs to be on the back burner for now anyway....Let God handle it.
I also find myself coming here to post my negative thoughts most of the time, although I dont really get the replys to my negatism as bad as you do...but I have learned to try to post alot of positive things as well. I think what everyone here tries to get you to do is NOT think so negative even when you visit here....try to find some positive in the negative, you know?
So, have you told your H of your diagnosis? What has he said about it? How about your family?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
As an outside observing, this sure looks like the proverbial junior high school lunch room, complete with the popular and unpopular people.
There are lots of people I respect very much on your thread Dar. Always have been. These are caring and honest people. They do a pretty fine job of judging when kid gloves are needed or when the hammer needs to fall.
No one likes the hammer.
Hammers pound out imperfections. I think I read somewhere that some of those chinese woks that are supposed to be soooo good are hammered thousands of times to make them into the fine cooking implement they are.
Still, I suppose it's natural to resist when people are pounding on you all the time. But you see Dar, this place is all about changing the way we USED to do things - you know, the unhealthy way of doings things that contributed to the marital messes we all endured or are enduring - and finding a new way to face the truth. I think that's what all these fine folks are trying to do with you.
You have to find a way to embrace it and confront their honest comments without coming across as though you're making excuses.
Reality is that we are judged not by our words but by our actions. That is the reality that we HAVE to apply to wayward spouses, because otherwise none of this ever makes sense. But it's also the reality that we need to begin applying to ourselves.
It's our actions, not our words, that prove who we are and how far we have come.
Ok, Bill-soapbox vs1.1.1 over now.
I think it's time we all exercised that fundamental right that we all have. I think it goes like this...
a) If you don't like what someone's saying, feel free to ignore them. b) If you can't stand the direction someone is taking, and you feel like they won't listen, move on to someone who WILL take your help.
Best wishes with your medical problems. Cancer seems to be everywhere these days. Your children need you.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Yea, M is on the back burner for sure and I really don't have any problems putting it there for now. I have told my H and my mom. They're both upset. H is asking alot of questions about what they're doing and seems concerned. My mom has skin cancer at least once every 6 months so she's being very supportive and tells me she's here when I need help with D, etc.
Maybe God will use this to change your Husband and make him realize a few things.....who knows why this is happening. Im glad though that your mom is there for you through this.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Gosh, I came to check on you and I wasnt expecting all this! Are you ok?? You havent really elaborated. I'm so sorry to hear that you have cancer, seriously...are the surgeons going to operate straight away? And yes, have you told your H, because of course you must (forget the NC crap, he needs to know that the mother of his child is going through this and regardless of his knowing her schedule or not, hes going to have to learn it). But seriously, how are you feeling about all of this?? You seem to have been more discussing the people on your thread than the fact you just found out you have cancer.
I want to say, I am on your side in the comments you've made, in taht, I agree, you need advise, you needed to change and stop going round in circles and getting nowhere, you needed to do something different, get a better PMA, GAL more, etc, all that stuff people nag you to do.. but, I agree, there are CONSTRUCTIVE ways to say these things, theres is absolutely no need to resort to name calling. I really think some of the people who post to you should be ashamed of themselves for their vitriol. And if they are so mad and frustrated with you that they feel the need to resort to sarcy or mean comments, then, why say that? Just dont post! Step away from the PC and go eat a cookie or whatever! Dont just verbally assault some poor stranger who is clearly struggling to accept that her M broke down. Yes ok, maybe give tough love, try and explain what needs to be done, but dont be nasty with it.
Other than that...seriously, how are you?
Ali xxx PS: the person who posted here suggesting Dar made this up should be particularly ashamed of themselves!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Thanks again Kissak. Shortly after H left, I had a tumor in my hand that was removed. My mom took me while H stayed at my place to get D from school. He said he would spend the night to make sure I was okay since I wouldn't have feeling in my arm for about 6-8 hours. Shortly after my mom brought me home and left, H left. Mom was ticked and I know from that that I need to have back up instead of what H might say. Although he is alot better about things now and that was only 6 months post bomb, and 1 month after I found out about OW.
