Keep on Swimming, Swimming, Swimming!

[Survival_Goddess]

Hi Ellie,

Sounds like there's a story there I haven't heard - what's the deal?

I have written about this before, and I spent some time looking for it, but I couldn't find it.

The story is...of course complex...but...

I was the first live child born to my mother, who carried the previous baby to term, then delivered a stillborn. My mom is one of the smartest people I know, but also she has numerous problems including high anxiety, OCD, narcissistic, psychologically abusive,and addictions. She loved being a mother and a homemaker, but was not really up to the task. I remember you talking about some of the problems in your family, and I think you might be interested to know she is French Canadian...

Anyways, for whatever the reason I rarely felt appreciated or safe at home. To top things off my parents went through a period of financial stress that just added tension to the home.

As a smart, caring and sensitive kid I thought that I was somehow causing some of the problems...(Your braces are so expensive, Why do you kids eat so much, and so on...)

I muddled along, not feeling very competent or happy until I was recognized for my unique talents by being one of only 3 girls from my school accepted into a Technology Magnet High School...the first year they opened the door to girls.

My freshman year was really the first year I felt valued in all my arenas...school, home, socially. I was really happy for the first time. But then, wouldn't you know it...My parents get into a fight with the landlord and we have to leave our North Side apartment. We end up moving to the Chicago suburbs, and I have to change schools. (A university town much like where I live now...) Instead of being a rare and valued member of an elite community I became just another face in the crowd. This actually was the disaster that pushed me over the edge. The school I transferred to was one where everyone had moved through the school system together. It was very hard to fit in. Classic High School cliques and MEAN GIRLS tricks were played on moi.

I fell in with a group of outcasts. Then one summer my parents went overseas to work on a political documentary. My dear sweet granny was in charge. The social situation with me and the "outcasts" intensified. Some of them started hitchhiking across the country. When my parents came back I decided to join them. I went hitchhiking across the country and saw the Mountains and the Ocean for the first time. I really had a blast actually and felt loved and accepted for being myself for the first time ever.

This was the summer between my junior and senior year. When I got back, I tried to return to high school, but that was extremely difficult. I wasn't worried tho. I had more than enough units to graduate and had been in full honors courses before that. I eventually took the GED...and went on to earn a Master's degree.

All of this background I think really helps me in my work with children from all backgrounds. And I am just now (at age 50) really getting a handle on how it all went down and what my role was.

This is part of what I was thinking of when I was talking about being pushed.

SG