"Saru mo ki kara ochiru."

[missmyfriend]

This may not be the proper forum for this but something that is so critical for each of us is to not stop in the process of getting to a place where our growth isn't halted. Our spouses, no disrespect intended, in various degrees, have not only halted their growth as individuals but regressed in their emotional development.

My primary concern is to protect my children. I am not as worried about myself. My decisions though impact more than just myself. I have to become both a mother and a father to my children while my spouse is not able to make decisions that are always in the best interests of our children. In fact, I consider what my spouse would've wanted me to do or what she has said in the past when making my decisions. Believe it or not, it really helps since I got used to weighing decisions with her counsel.

FIB, I don't think you ever made a mistake marrying your wife. She was someone very special to you and probably still is. Unfortunately, mental illness, which I apologize for my armchair analysis, has robbed her of you and your children. Sadly, it as robbed her of herself as well.

It is important that we do not use justification to rationalize our situations. I apologize to me4faith that I am politely disagreeing with your friend about "marrying down". I know that we have had our egos severely damaged but I believe we need to put things in perspective without the need to demonize or "downgrade" our spouses. They have already hurt themselves far more than anyone else could ever do. They had admirable qualities that attracted us to them and our decision to marry them.

The fact is we find ourselves in a very bad place and are looking for some reason or purpose this could be happening. We may never know but we can either become better people from this or let it poison us.