Sara, Don't mind the warped sense of humor? Does that mean you're into Monty Python? (I do so you know my sense of humor.)
CL, I have to be honest, which is hard, and say that I know my H does not have a 'drinking problem'. He is an alcoholic. He goes through about a 30 pack of beer every 1-2 days. He's a very functional alcoholic. He doesn't get fall-down drunk. But I can tell when he's had more than usual.
I am scared to death at what the outcome of this accident is going to be but if there is one positive, I know that his drinking will be addressed because of it. He has gone to AA a couple times, but I think he's going to need to go through an inpatient program to get clean. He is addicted. I am reading a book titled Beyond the Influence: Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism which is pretty brutal. He couldn't quit right now by himself if his life depended upon it.
It's hard to talk about ... here I am being all positive about the state of our R, but we have so much other crap to get through.
If he gets a doctor to prescribe antabuse he will be able to quit. It is a pill which he takes daily, and it gives him the symptoms of a heart attack if he has only one beer. My son asked the doctor what would happen if he drank more than one beer, and she said, "you won't get the chance." He was in a monitored court ordered program and he had to take antabuse in the presence of a court officer each day. It did cure him of his habit. And he tested it, with one beer, boy was he sick. It was frightening.
Can't promise a hot tub, but perhaps the one near you has one. My husband and I amused ourselves at Retrouvaille with thoughts of the couples all switching partners. Adding a hot tub could make that really dicey. But then we have a warped sense of humor. Sorry for that thought.
Sara, This made me laugh. Before our Retro weekend, I told a friend that we were going to a weekend retreat for marriage counseling. He asked if there were going to be those types of activities involved. I told my W about this and we also joked about it.
Unfortunately Joie, even if the hotel does have one, there is not much time available for hot tub antics.
Two interesting R talks between H and I the last few days. I’ve been so afraid to bring up anything but both times, they just sort of happened.
Saturday night: I told him it seemed like we were really working on things between us, and “reconnecting” (which is his term). He said he didn’t see how that was going to fully happen until after his legal sitch is resolved. I said “it sure seemed like we had been making progress. I am imagining that? Or has it not been real?”
He sincerely replied that it has been real but what he meant is that he didn’t see a 100% reconnection until the legal sitch is resolved. I agreed to that.
The next night, OW was on the warpath. Kept calling and calling and calling. This went on for a couple hours. She says she’s going to sue, got the paperwork all ready to go. H has been desperately trying to keep her appeased, but I think he’s losing the war. Actually, if he left me and moved in with her, the war would be over, that’s what she wants.
The sitch really has me down lately – to the point that I was thinking that maybe I should just throw in the towel. The OW is such a nut case, and is so unpredictable, that I can see her causing issues for us years down the road. I don’t want to live like that. Then I start thinking about how he could ever get involved with such a person! It just blows me away!
H knew I was really upset over everything, which prompted another R talk, instigated by him. He said he was “eager for everything to be over, so we could get on with our lives, if that’s even what you want. Do you want to be with me after all this?”
I sat silent for a minute and replied ... “there are days when I am 100% sure that is what I want. But on other days, I’m not so sure just because I don’t know what’s going to happen (with the legal sitch) and until then, I can’t answer that. But I know you can’t answer that either right now.”
He said he guessed that was the best answer he could hope for at the moment.
Wow...you are a strong woman indeed! These OW are something, my God why do they even think they have a right???? But one of the things I told my h's OW was that wheather she believed it or not, that all the pain she caused my family and myself, she will get back 10 fold! And I know for a fact that they get there's in life!
Thanks, Liz, I think we're all awesome for having the courage, stamina and patience to DB after what our WAS have done to us.
It's been a tough week. OW is on the war path. She drinks, gets drunk, then won't stop calling him. Last night she wanted to talk to ME. Great. I did talk to her, but didn't say much. She apologized for causing so much grief. Said she told herself not to get mixed up with a M man but her pursued her (not sure I believe that entirely). She resumed her phone calls at 2 a.m!
Today is my H's b-day. I got him a GREAT gift - 12th row tickets to see James Taylor (who we both love). I was picking out a card and found one that was not overly sentimental but still talked about him being all I need or want in life, but ended with a cute sexual innuendo. I liked the ending but was hesitant about the rest of it. I put it back cause I thought it was too much for right now. But I found nothing else so I thought what the h3ll -- I went for it.
Sorry I havent posted sooner...my h was home all weekend and everytime I would go on the internet he was right there asking me what I was doing...sure atentive when I don't want it..LOL
I am so sorry to hear how the OW is bothering you so much...but just shows you that you really don't have anything to worry about with her..she sounds pretty darn insecure and has a drinking problem to say the least... So how did you feel when you were talking with OW? and how did you feel when you were done talking?? Was your h right there when she was talking to you? I am asking cause I feel that would be a hard thing to do.
You hang in there sweetie....I sure can tell without a doubt that you are one heck of a strong lady!!!!!
Things have quieted down. OW is back at work so her time is occupied, thank God. She called Friday night once (H's b-day) but the rest of the weekend she was quiet.
How did I feel when I was talking to her? I wanted to puke -- during and after. I knew she'd been drinking so I was low key. I really have to be very diplomatic. The last thing I want to do is pizz her off because of the sitch. At least she was civil to me. In the past when she was on the warpath, she'd want to talk to me and I would refuse! I didn't need that aggravation from her. If she wants to play games, she's going to find it impossible to get me engaged!
I am so sorry that I have not read all of your stich...my internet connection is crapy at times and it will freeze up on me. So let me if you don't mind ask you this; how long was your h involved with this OW? She sure has alot of nerve...it is so crass, and so degrading for her! I sure hope your H sees the woman that you are, and the dumb mistake he made when he met miss duffus...sorry it just gets me sooo mad with these OW/OM that think that that can just do what ever they want..selfish human beings to say it as nice as I can!
Joie, you only do deserve the very very best! You just keep being you!!!!
