I know detachment is still important..but, here is the thing...I DO have expectations. Not expectations that everything will be fine, but expectations that he will do what he said. Is it not ok at this point to have some sort of expectations?
I TOTALLY understand what you're saying and how you feel. I really do, and yes, it IS ok to have some sort of expectations. You've discussed these expectations with your H, correct? So yes, it is on him to SHOW you that he's serious.
What I meant by having no expectations was to not expect things to change immediately. Don't be surprised nor discouraged much if he doesn't follow through in a timely manner to your liking. He may waffle every now and then as this seems to be common behavior for many WASs. I'm not saying this will happen with your H again. Just be aware that it could.
Again, watch his actions. They should help to determine whether or not he is sincerely making an effort towards rebuilding your R. When you look at everything (take stock) and know what you need to know, then you'll have your answer as to what you should do next. Move on with your H or move on without him.
(((((((Sending some positive vibes your way! )))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Yes, I have discussed these expectations with my H. He has expectations as well and we need to work together on this. I have to have faith that he will follow through with what he says. I didn't want him to say "Yes, we are getting back together and everything will be fine." Because when it comes right down to it...it may not, he may decide he would be happier alone, I may decide I can't forgive him. Obviously I want it to work out, but I will be ok either way. I just think we both deserve to try. I guess what I am saying is that I don't have any expectations on the final outcome....just how we go about getting there.
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Of course, like all....ahem, donkeys....they often stop and must be prodded again!
I think you are right!
Apparently H called me from work today and didn't have my number so he just called my department and asked for my extension. I told one person that I work with that H and I were getting a D right when I started working here and that is who H talked to when he called. I haven't told her that we are trying to work it out. So anyway, a few minutes ago she came to my office and said "Are you ok? Your H called and asked for your extension. I wasn't sure whether to give it to him or not...I was worried you might not want him to have it." I just told her that I didn't realize he had called the main number but it was not a big deal. She asked if we were working things out and I told her we were trying. She said H said "This is Kris' husband and I can't remember her extension, can you transfer me to her?" ...So he did identify himself as my H rather than just asking for me. Maybe I am reading too much into that.....here I go analyzing.
Take it as a small positive and don't dwell on it.
Right. Be careful not to overanalyze.
My H always referred to me as his "W" throughout our entire S. To friends, coworkers, you name it. It was nice, I suppose, but it was also hard to deal with. To me, if he was going to continue to call me his W, I felt he should act like my H. Not like any other acquaintance. But that's just me.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
My H hasn't worn his ring again since a few weeks back. He mentioned that it was because of work. He's going through a bunch of fire training right now.
Sorry for the mini-hijack, Kris!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
My H hasn't referred to me as his wife...and especially not to himself as my husband probably since back in June. I just thought it was interesting. He could have just asked for me...no need to identify himself.
I am looking foward to lunch tomorrow...and really looking forward to Friday night. No expectations, just looking forward to it.
)))))))
