W: "We were never friends. Not really, not the way you treated me badly and abused me all the time we were together. You never loved me." Me:"Speak for yourself. You don't even know what love really is."
If you can't tell from my words, I've reached my limit. I am no longer DB'ing and am preparing for all-out war. Yes, I hate it. I hate what it's going to do to us, to my family, to my S's, to our finances. But that is the world we're headed in.
I'm so sorry to hear of all this Nocode! I do think our spouses are messed-up, dysfunctional, and like to cast us as the "bad guy" like your W's comments you never were her friend & never loved her, and you abused her, etc. I know my H went through a really angry period where I was the bad guy (well he thought and treated me like I was), and he has commented recently he was under a lot of stress at the time and it made things seem horrible, I guess that he realizes really weren't in retrospect.
I think you should try to take the higher road and detach more from your W when she is spewing like that. I just think of your S's and how it will not be good for them to have 2 parents at war.
Since I have been DBing my H and I are pretty friendly now and I think that is good for the kids. You may never have that, but going to war with her seems like that wouldn't be good for your S's and really I don't think you either. I am standing up to my H and being more assertive, like I think you should say that her negative comments are inappropriate and you won't talk to her when she is being disrespectful to you like that. I think being assertive is good, but rude or aggressive is something I try to avoid anyway. Sorry I'm sounding kind of preachy today as usual, I guess! Karen
Karen