When my kids ask me questions, I tell them to ask daddy. Of course, my kids did not know about the A and they are older. If your daughter has questions about why daddy is leaving so much, i think that is a question your H should answer, not you. my 2 cents.
Can someone remind me again how resilient kids are????
That's a fallicy people created so they don't feel so guilty about choosing to be part-time parents.
I think it's also a thought that people have who have never gone through this mess we're going through. I'm starting to understand that splitting up & moving on is best for H & I. However, I know for a fact that it will have a big impact on D4. Yes, she'll survive, but it will be hard on her.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
[quote=runningoutoftime]have never gone through this mess we're going through. I'm starting to understand that splitting up & moving on is best for H & I. However, I know for a fact that it will have a big impact on D4. Yes, she'll survive, but it will be hard on her.
SueS
Yes, I agree but I think in some of our sitchs where the H or W is acting so dysfunctional, like my H was living at home and either out with his OW including overnights and out of town trips, and then texting her frequently when he was rarely at home, angry and yelling, etc.--I think my kids actually have a much healthier, less stressful life now that H has moved out.
I am getting them therapy now, but I think they probably needed it even more when their "crazy" Dad was living in the house with us acting so awful when he was here. I know my C frequently said at the time the way we were living wasn't healthy for my kids, and now that H has moved out I can really see how unhealthy it was for them and I of course. I don't think I would ever be able to do that again and put the kids and I through that kind of awful experience again. Karen
I think it's also a thought that people have who have never gone through this mess we're going through. I'm starting to understand that splitting up & moving on is best for H & I. However, I know for a fact that it will have a big impact on D4. Yes, she'll survive, but it will be hard on her.
The strangest thing in my sitch is that my stbxh HAS gone through this same thing as a child. He knows what it's like to be from a broken family with parents at each other's throats. Seems like you would try harder to avoid it for your own children. It just goes to show you what living in a dysfunctional family will do to a child. However, that fact DOES make me want to work even harder to make sure that I'm the stable parent in this...
Well.. one more month or so and I will be a free woman. I guess you just get to the point where you are ready to move up from your lowest low. I'm tired of living in limbo. I'm tired of walking on egg shells.
I just got another major guilt trip handed to me. STBXH make it clear once again how I hurt him so badly that he HAD to seek solace elsewhere. He says I meant everything to him, yet kicked him while he was down. WTH do I do with THAT???? *sigh*
LO, If he meant that much to you, why didn't he break off the A and come back to you? You hung in there for a long time. It's certainly because YOU didn't try ... it's because he wouldn't give it a try. You know you gave it all you could. He's throwing the guilt trip on you to make himself feel better. I think you're done listening to him, right?!
[quote=SueS]The strangest thing in my sitch is that my stbxh HAS gone through this same thing as a child. He knows what it's like to be from a broken family with parents at each other's throats. Seems like you would try harder to avoid it for your own children. It just goes to show you what living in a dysfunctional family will do to a child. However, that fact DOES make me want to work even harder to make sure that I'm the stable parent in this...
Well.. one more month or so and I will be a free woman. I guess you just get to the point where you are ready to move up from your lowest low. I'm tired of living in limbo. I'm tired of walking on egg shells.
I just got another major guilt trip handed to me. STBXH make it clear once again how I hurt him so badly that he HAD to seek solace elsewhere. He says I meant everything to him, yet kicked him while he was down. WTH do I do with THAT???? *sigh*
Hi, Olive! My H is the same way, his parents had a bitter divorce & he was suicidal b/c of that. He has rewritten history though, and says that everything was fine when his parents divorce and our kids will be too, and D will be great?!? I guess my H can't face the truth or reality so has to rewrite history to deal. Yes, it's good we do provide the stableness for our poor kids!
I am feeling the limbo thing lately too--it's tough sometimes!!!
Don't let your H give you any guilt trips! I was going through the guilt/blame and I realized I have done everything my H wanted me to do (work on my depression, make more friends, better housecleaning, etc.) and extra stuff he didn't even ask for, and he is still with the OW and out of the house--so I realized it's not about us, its about the WAS and them wanting to be single or try to relive their youth or ditch responsibility or whatever motivations they have!!! Karen
Karen - you are right.. I've done everything he wanted and more in the past year.. and, guess what??? ow ho is STILL the better option for him.. hmmm.. maybe he IS right!
Aaahh.. the best of life is just waiting for me...
I just got another major guilt trip handed to me. STBXH make it clear once again how I hurt him so badly that he HAD to seek solace elsewhere. He says I meant everything to him, yet kicked him while he was down. WTH do I do with THAT???? *sigh*
Just tell him simply that the past is the past, we all have to move on with our lives and forget old hurts. Now he can be happy and you wish him well....
Then change the subject. Make a joke.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
You have changed and become a better person. By yourself or with whoever you will be with, you will be more open and communicative and (whatever his blame to you is) to the person you will be with. Being happy and who he is happy with are his decisions. wish him well that he has found happiness.
I am blesssed in a sense that H never said he left because of me. "It (the A) just happened". OTOH, I have no handle on what I can change. His feelings are closed to me (and anyone else). That's a part that I am still not content with. Sometimes I feel like we are roommates/business partner with sex included.
Don't let your H give you any guilt trips! I was going through the guilt/blame and I realized I have done everything my H wanted me to do (work on my depression, make more friends, better housecleaning, etc.) and extra stuff he didn't even ask for, and he is still with the OW and out of the house--
Karen.. I, too, have made every change he wanted plus some.. and, here I still am... in the middle of the big D..
Originally Posted By: ourcrisis
You have changed and become a better person. By yourself or with whoever you will be with, you will be more open and communicative and (whatever his blame to you is) to the person you will be with.
I became so very aware of the things I needed to change. I think this is what it really comes down to.. changing those things and becoming a better/happier person moving into the future - whatever that looks like..
Karen