Okay, so I've been trying and trying. I've been called lazy, selfish, a beotch, angry, bitter, etc etc. by more than one person here too. I will agree w/being selfish (wanting more than one can give or expecting too much) as well as being an angry person.
I have found these 2 things out by talking with God and asking him to help reveal areas needing improvement. I will continue my work as usual, even better, since I see a change in myself and the way I'm going.
For those that have called me the characters above, I would have to suggest a same look towards your God. Calling someone a beotch or angry when you are as well doesn't do anyone any good and only makes the name-caller look like a hurtful person when we know that most of us here are genuinely good people.
I haven't posted to your thread before, but have been following your story closely as an object lesson in how not to DB. It is sad you've been separated as long as you have and are still stuck. It's been 3 mos. for me, and even though I backslide A LOT, I am beginning to make good progress. You seem to be caught in an endless loop.
Listen to the people here with a humble heart-- they are only trying to help you. They have been through hell with their Ss too, and know what has and hasn't worked for them.
Oh I understand that completely AB. I understand they've been there done that. I just don't feel the need for the names they've chosen to call me when some are also still angry themselves as they'd be able to see from reading some of the 'spew' they use on others' threads too.
Also, I was thinking about this board more last night and what I'm doing here and in my life. I post almost all the negative thoughts I have in my mind and that's it. This is a place I come to for venting, not for sharing my happiness. People here don't think I've moved forward. I can tell I have quite a bit. Maybe they don't see it since I post the negative and not the happiness I possess. No one else in my life sees me as a negative person at all, only here. I make people laugh daily here at work and home. People at work tell me I need to try stand-up comedy and seriously mean it.
I'm a great person and fun to be around. I'm enjoying my life more and more each day. I do more, play more, have more fun in general.
As far a H goes, he's a part of it when/if he wants to be. If he decides to call or email, great. If not, great. It's no longer a big deal to me.
Friends, I found out yesterday that I have uterine cancer. I'm not even all that concerned about it because I know it will be taken care of by Him. I'm sharing this with you so you can see for yourselves my real attitude and it just wasn't showing here.
Don't be sorry AB, maybe now I can really lose some weight! (I'm not making fun or light of the sitch, just trying to stay happy about this instead of losing it).
I just don't feel the need for the names they've chosen to call me when some are also still angry themselves as they'd be able to see from reading some of the 'spew' they use on others' threads too.
Who are the 'they' you are refering to?
Nutty.
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Your cancer simplifies everything. You cannot afford to waste precious energy worrying about what your H is thinking/doing-- you will need all your reserves. Take whatever help you can get from him, sure, but keep your focus squarely on you and your health. You can always go back to spinning about him later! If you don't step away from the drama now, you won't have anything to fight it with.
Think what a disaster your H would be as a single parent right now. Your D needs you-- take care of yourself so you can be there for her!
