Bring on the Rain

[Yoyowife]

My friend did this to her husband. Like others he denied he ever said any of those nasty things to her, but with the recording it was a major turning point for him. He was very ashamed of himself and very humbled.

[LL44]

Girl... Puppy Dog visited your thread! You ARE getting strong (Puppy Dog is very good at 'kudos' when DB'ing with a backbone is accomplished).

Sorry about H's behavior, but I love how you reacted to it. You stood strong, removed yourself, and the next day, went about the business of being Sue and Mom Of Precious D4. I love it! I am very proud!

You did the right thing by turning H's ml offer down. Sober? Maybe. But drinking? He doesn't deserve you.

[LL44]

PS: There's a new Rules Of Engagement on tonight!! Don't forget.

[LL44]

Sue, in response to your post on my thread...I don't think my H has a drinking problem (definately setting himself up for one though!!), so maybe the chemicals in your H's brain causes him to 'react' differently when he has consumed too much. Your H is very angry at himself for many reasons (deep down, he realizes his problem with alcohol even if he never utters it out loud, not to mention his lack of morals lately), and that comes out when he drinks. He doesn't even remember half/all of what he says to you.

And don't worry the 'remorse' thing from my H is usually followed with a "Forget what I said" or "I was drunk, don't know what I was saying" in the morning. Blecky.

Hope your Tuesday is going well!

[JAK58]

Sue,

Posted back to you on LWb's thread.

LWB,

Rules of Engagement rocks!

JAK

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yeah, "SUPER SPERM" baby!! Hahahahah, that was SO funny.

My wife's OB/GYN used to call me "Hotshot." In conceiving four children, my wife and I tried a total of FIVE months. Man, how disappointing! Where's the part where we're supposed to get to hump like bunnies for months on end???

LOL.

Puppy

[LL44]

That show is perfect!!!

[SueS]

Hi everyone!!!!

Thanks so much for coming to my thread! You made my day. You really did. My day started out in the car on my way to work hearing Reba & Kenny Chesney's song - Every Other Weekend! Not what I wanted to hear. Then, over lunch it was a Rascal Flatts song about loving someone that doesn't love you. Yes, I feel pretty good about where I'm at right now, but it was just one of those mornings for me! I'm okay now though!!

I think part of the reason I was a bit down was because OW's H called me yesterday. Typically our conversations are okay but for some reason it just brought images into my mind that I've worked so hard to keep out. OW's H is desperately trying to hold on to his family. OW keeps giving him false hope by wavering on seeing a C, among other things. He said that he hopes that if she does move out that she'll see the light and come back. I had to be honest with him about them seeing each other. He was sure that they don't see each other often. I told him that I was sorry but that I knew that wasn't true. One example was on a Friday night my H went out. He came home and had left a receipt out on the table. OW's H mentioned that she'd been out that night with friends at a bar seeing a band that her friend plays in. I asked OW's H if the bar had Whiskey in it's name. He was silent. He said yes, the Whiskey Rack. I told him about the receipt. I don't want to throw all of this on him but he truly felt that they aren't seeing each other much. He told me that OW had been out until 2:45 am on Monday night/Tues. morning. I know H wasn't home at 12:30 am but I don't know what time he did get home. What a MESS!! I feel for OW's H, but told him that I am ready to be done. He said that he doesn't really understand how I can feel that way. I told him that he needs to understand that for me there are a lot of things that contributed to my feelings. The drinking, 2 (if not more) affairs, the selfishness, and the way that H has talked to me the past year. I asked him to please understand that it took me a very, very long time to get where I'm at. Admitting that my M is over was one of the hardest things I've had to do. There was a lot more said but I did mostly listening. I didn't tell him about seeing an article on the computer about living in a "blended family" that my H had been looking at.

Last night H was quiet. H made dinner for all of us and sat at the kitchen table with us. A very limited amount of interaction with D4 and then fell asleep on the couch. Not much else from him.

I started acquiring boxes so I can be prepared to move when the time comes. Other than my car payment, I have a little amount of debt. Little as it is though, it's many small items. I believe I've found a way to get most, if not all of it paid (other than the car) before I move. That will be a big weight off my shoulders.....and my credit!!

Well, it is a busy day at work. Have a great one everyone!

Oh...I had some good cuddle time with D4. We had thunder and rain last night!!

SueS

[Rob1231]

Good for you, Sue - sounding stronger and more in control of your life every day.

Keep in mind that everything you hear about OW is heavily filtered - either through the perceptions of your H, or of her H. I suspect that neither of them really has any CLUE what is going on in her MLC-crazed head, and when they try to tell you stuff like she is "wavering on seeing a C" - well, take all of that with one ginormous grain of salt.

I feel bad for OW's H, I truly do. Way back when, it seemed like he was on a path similar to yours of improving himself and trying to save his M. When you now say he is "desperately trying to hold on to his family", what I picture is someone who is still at the panicky begging and pleading and pursuing stage of their sitch. If that's the case, maybe point him to DBing - 'cause whatever he's been trying ain't working.

If you do that, I would just say "Here's something that has helped me a lot" and then leave him to his own devices. I would strongly advise that you do NOT become his "guru" or anything like that - things will almost certainly get too tangled up. There are plenty of other places he can get help, including right here on the boards, without it becoming "your" problem.

[SueS]

Hi Rob!!

You are right about the OW. Total MLC!! I think you were the one that pointed that out to me a week or so ago. I think you're right that neither my H or hers has any idea what she's thinking. She told her H that she didn't get home until 2:45 am the other night because she was sitting in a parking lot thinking and crying. In her state of mind, I tend to believe that. It appears that all of her friends aren't taking the high road on this. They're being a "friend" and listening to her and being sympathetic.....possibly even have met my H, but none are telling her that what she's doing is wrong. One of her friends told her H that......I know what OW is doing is wrong, but she's my friend and I don't want to hurt her. His response was...but what about the pain she's causing all these other people....her family & the family of the man she's involved with?

The more I detach from this whole situation, the more I see that I want to be out of the mess. I know that part of me will be in it because of D4, but I won't be tangled in as much as OW, my H and her H. I know it won't be perfectly easy, but I feel like I'll be able to start my life again, where as they'll still be dealing with so much else.

I also know what you mean about OW's H and his desperation. He had been working with another program. In talking to him, there's part of him that does see that he can't control her. But, he also told me that when he got home from Church on Sunday, he made a desperate plea to her.....all full of emotions....to stay and be a family. Not what she wants to hear. I did try a few months ago to tell him about DB. He didn't say much. It's hard not to devulge too much information to him, as he's putting a lot out there to me.

Thanks!!

-Sue