Just journaling. Discovered yesterday that I'm married to a stranger.
Went to the bank to split the joint account. While we were waiting for the bankers to do some stuff, W and I chatted about the house agreement. Ends up that she HASN'T talked to her father about co-signing for the mortgage loan, only for him to pay me my share. Prices are ridiculous out here and it's ludicrous that she could qualify for the loan by herself, yet what was her plan? Leave me on the mortgage for 2 years, try to finish her PhD in that time (though in her proposals, she's saying 3 years), and then go back to full-time work which she thought would qualify her for a loan. HA! I told her 2 years was too long and she wouldn't qualify by herself - she should have her father co-sign. She looked like she was going to cry.
I feel like I'm watching the start of a train wreck.
Adding to all this, I came across a box of her old journals while packing. I know I shouldn't have, but I looked through the one from when we were separated 9 years ago. Yikes! Who am I married to ?! Ends up she started an EA only 1 month after moving out here. Then she was really conflicted, not wanting to give up her dreams of a new relationship with OM but realizing she was in an established relationship that she wasn't working on. This went on for 3 months before she said anything to me. Eventually she realized OM wasn't giving her what she was used to and she was thinking of me all the time. At the end of the saga, she wrote that she couldn't believe what she'd done, that what she thought she wasn't getting from me was really just her inability to put energy into the R, and that she couldn't see her emotional turmoil clearly because she was in the middle of it.
But it took 8 months for her to make that realization. What kind of person makes choices like this? How many OM have there been?
Still no D papers. Should I go ahead and file? Do I really want to try and salvage a R with this person if that were even a possibility?
