Mike, I don't see anything wrong with what you did myself. Your W needs to know how this is going to be on both of you, not just you. D will make a lot of sacrifices financially on both of you.
Don't worry, I about got the same line as what your W told you about your lawyer. My lawyer fee was $7000, W told me I must have got some hard nose lawyer for that price as the one she was going to get is only $3000. Well, I have put a hold on my lawyer, I figured if she wanted to file then it was up to her, I would not make the first move.
Hang in there, this is just her way of showing her side since things are not going her way at the time. You still have a lot to look forward to in my opinion, I don't see your sitch being over.
I'm trying man. I tried to explain to her the other day and she justs shrugs it off. I've called all over. The lawyers are all the same price.
Man this is going to bust me bad. There's not much money, everything is tied up in the house, retirements, college funds.. She don't get it ot see it. This is going to bust us both.
I do not see her being able to keep this house unless her dad walks in and gives her a loan to buy it..If this is over I have to walk away with something. I can't just turn my back and get nothing..
I do not see her being able to keep this house unless her dad walks in and gives her a loan to buy it..If this is over I have to walk away with something. I can't just turn my back and get nothing..
Mike, I know the feeling, in NC everything is split 50/50. My W is still in our house, I am making the payment on it. I don't see there be any way her being able to get a loan for it in her name if she decides to keep it. As of now, she doesn't know if she wants to keep it or sell it. Someone will have to step in to help her keep it.
The house has somewhat helped me keep some sanity on this sitch as I know she knows she won't be able to afford it unless she gets enough from me in child support and alimony, even then she will have a hard time financing it. With her not making any moves whatsoever on buying me out or selling it just gives me hope that maybe she is looking for the changes to take me back in. I'm sure that I am just reading things into this but we have been seperated for 5 months now, wouldn't and nothing has happened on either side as far as splitting things such as bank accounts, retirement and the house. She could be just waiting until the last month to hit me with all of this stuff but who knows. From about month 2 up until about 2 weeks ago I would push my W to make her decision and let's get the house on the market. I know this was not a good thing I was doing as I'm sure it was pushing her away. I am going to lay off of that right now and not bring it up anymore. My lease runs out on my place in September so I have a few months to see what happens.
I do not see her being able to keep this house unless her dad walks in and gives her a loan to buy it..If this is over I have to walk away with something. I can't just turn my back and get nothing..
Mike, I know the feeling, in NC everything is split 50/50. My W is still in our house, I am making the payment on it. I don't see there be any way her being able to get a loan for it in her name if she decides to keep it. As of now, she doesn't know if she wants to keep it or sell it. Someone will have to step in to help her keep it.
The house has somewhat helped me keep some sanity on this sitch as I know she knows she won't be able to afford it unless she gets enough from me in child support and alimony, even then she will have a hard time financing it. With her not making any moves whatsoever on buying me out or selling it just gives me hope that maybe she is looking for the changes to take me back in. I'm sure that I am just reading things into this but we have been seperated for 5 months now, wouldn't and nothing has happened on either side as far as splitting things such as bank accounts, retirement and the house. She could be just waiting until the last month to hit me with all of this stuff but who knows. From about month 2 up until about 2 weeks ago I would push my W to make her decision and let's get the house on the market. I know this was not a good thing I was doing as I'm sure it was pushing her away. I am going to lay off of that right now and not bring it up anymore. My lease runs out on my place in September so I have a few months to see what happens.
Don't push now man..you're making good progress.
I hate to thing the way I am about money..but if I have to start over I have to have something to start with. If a D is in my future I have to protect myself..I don't see any gray in that..
I think she's really pissed cause I answered those papers. Hell I had no choice. My attorney even said he would play nice for now and said he will pray that we reconcile.
Just as I suspected. I have been made out to be the bad guy once again. Since I stopped by her office and told her not to meet me to get the car fixed and she happened to quiz me about why...and I told her because my atty is charging me so much...then I am the bad guy, I ruined her day.
Another setback for old Mike.
Well guess what, whether I stopped by the office, left a note, called on the phone or told her at home tonight it makes no difference. She was going to be pissed.
Seems like anything I do is wrong in her eyes. I guess because she looks for the wrong in me. I'm not perfect, far from it.
I'm trying to figure out when she steps up and takes a little accountability for this mess we are in?? Does that ever happen?
By the way, I listened, I heard her. I said I was sorry I ruined her day.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/21/0811:48 PM.
Seems like anything I do is wrong in her eyes. I guess because she looks for the wrong in me. I'm not perfect, far from it.
I'm trying to figure out when she steps up and takes a little accountability for this mess we are in?? Does that ever happen?
By the way, I listened, I heard her. I said I was sorry I ruined her day.
I'm there with you on this. From reading others posts on here, I don't think they admit they have any fault until a long way down the road. It is still early for you for that to happen. I guess as they say, the fog is going to have to clear before they realize what they are doing.
Good job listening to her during this time. It is so easy to cut them off or argue back and defend yourself. You did the right thing.
Mike, you know I am a big fan, but you do deserve a 2x4.
You knew damn well this would upset her. Hell you talked about it in a post the other day. Then you go to her office....jeesh dude.
Here's reality, she didnt need to meet you for the car. You could have easily called her and said so. You stopped by instead. She has every right to be upset dude, sorry but she does.
Mike, it is time for you to be still for a bit. This was a mistake, and whether consciously or subconsciously done, it was one that upset her and probably set you back a few steps. Just curious, you had 30 days to respond, why the rush to meet with an attorney? I already know the answer to this question, been there and done that dude...
Mike, you know I am a big fan, but you do deserve a 2x4.
You knew damn well this would upset her. Hell you talked about it in a post the other day. Then you go to her office....jeesh dude.
Here's reality, she didnt need to meet you for the car. You could have easily called her and said so. You stopped by instead. She has every right to be upset dude, sorry but she does.
Mike, it is time for you to be still for a bit. This was a mistake, and whether consciously or subconsciously done, it was one that upset her and probably set you back a few steps. Just curious, you had 30 days to respond, why the rush to meet with an attorney? I already know the answer to this question, been there and done that dude...
Ian
I figured I would catch one up side the head.
To be honest, I did not go to her office to upset her. I went to her office to tell her not to meet me and that's all. She pulled me into her office and closed the door and ask me why I was not going to drop the car off. I told her I could not afford to fix it. Then she ask why and I told her about the atty fee. If I would have called her she would have quizzed me about it also.
I can see her point and your point and I apologized.
I went ahead and saw an atty because the clock is ticking on me. The papers were served 4-11. They have to be answered by May 9-10. I think the 30 days hits on a weekend. I guess I panicked. There is no money and the finanacial situation has me really worried.
I am assuming that you think that me going to see an atty to respond was the wrong thing to do?? Can you explain why?? Your post above says you already know the answer to your question.. Have I correctly answered the question myself?? Panic??
I know Ian..I'm a dumb ass, I am a dumb ass.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/22/0810:44 AM.
Take a breath, take a walk and get some air........
I go to the mall and just walk when I can't stand it. Do not react!!!!!!
Confrontations are a backsliding special. I have learned in the works/doesn't work trials:
1. She is in charge. Don't mess with this. Seem happy with it and let her drive. She will ASK FOR HELP if she gets nervous.
2. I stopped calling and emailing my WAW 9 days ago and she now contacts me at least twice a day. I call/email back but do not initiate contact unless it's a kid issue. Again, let her come to you.
3. I stopped asking detials of where she was going, who with and when she would be home 9 days ago. She has only been out once since that time. (Was 2-3 times a week). I left the door open and she is staying in most of the time.
4. Don't push on money, guilt or dating. This is an immediate nasty reaction and D conversation.
Take a breath, take a walk and get some air........
I go to the mall and just walk when I can't stand it. Do not react!!!!!!
Confrontations are a backsliding special. I have learned in the works/doesn't work trials:
1. She is in charge. Don't mess with this. Seem happy with it and let her drive. She will ASK FOR HELP if she gets nervous.
2. I stopped calling and emailing my WAW 9 days ago and she now contacts me at least twice a day. I call/email back but do not initiate contact unless it's a kid issue. Again, let her come to you.
3. I stopped asking detials of where she was going, who with and when she would be home 9 days ago. She has only been out once since that time. (Was 2-3 times a week). I left the door open and she is staying in most of the time.
4. Don't push on money, guilt or dating. This is an immediate nasty reaction and D conversation.
5. Compilments and Cheerleading - no complaints.
Let us know how you are doing.
Thanks for coming over to check on me. Good advice eagle.
it appears that I have a weekly backslide that I like to do. I can't figure out why I do it? I guess I'm pressing for resolution, or trying to stop a train that's not stopping. or panicking.
I wish I was better at this. I wish I was better at my M.
