Totally Lost after 23 years

[CBK]

What are some good ways to quit obsessing about what is going on? Sleep is elusive, at best get about 4 hours, but wake up and am thinking about R. I don't talk to W about this. I know, I have to be strong, but saying those words don't always make one stronger. I have so many questions that I cannot ask, nor can she answer in her current state of mind. Doesn't matter if it is fair, she has to work through this. Yes, I accept it will take a long time, I do get that, in many ways, that makes it so much harder. Although I keep telling myself this is for me, to get stronger, better, etc., but can't help but saying this is for W so we can get back together. I look at the positives, actually what helps me sleep without meds, even when I wake up, I think positives, until about 4 AM, then I am thinking about R and cannot get out of my mind. All the positives, every stop sign I put up goes back to R. I turn the TV on hoping to detach my mind, but even the infomercials somehow remind me a good R!

I keep thinking how can W throw this all away? But no logical answer can be had.

I know, my friends, it will come, PMA, GAL - all this sounds good, but sometimes I slip back down into the self pitty valley and need to climb back up the mountain. I am glad I am not at home during this time as I would want R talk, I have until tonight to work on PMA and strength.

Good thoughts:

Kids are coming home Thursday
I fell asleep feeling good about myself
Life is good, I will be okay no matter what