You are right. Really, it does NOT matter what the exW's family and friends think. That is simply NOT important. The most important aspect of all of this is we remain men of character. This speaks volumes to all of those who encounter us. This will eventually get to those who have heard the lies from our exWs. In the end, the truth will be seen. When they reflect on the men we REALLY are, I feel that the exWs will look back with regret.....
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
You could not have put it any better. We need to stand for what we believe in and do what is best for us and our children. for whatever reason our spouses have decided to walk away. We can not control that. We must move forward and make the best of what we got. By living as a man of character, our actions will truly speak louder than their words...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
I'm so sorry your sitch is similar to mine b/c I know how much it hurts me, so I know how much you hurt as well. I will soon be able to not care what they think of me, but it does hurt in the meantime. They were a close family that I had grown to love. They have their issues, but they had that closeness my family never did growing up.
As I went through all the "evidence" W is piling up against me I saw she is using my admissions of progress made in therapy as well as notes I jotted down in the books I was reading as proof that I was an angry, controlling man. I'm not planning on refuting one word of what I've written concerning my growth through therapy. I am someone who has had problems in the past and I am facing my issues head-on. I'm unafraid to discuss this w/ the parenting evaluator (which I did from the start) as well as any judge in the land b/c they are the truth. I'm a flawed human being who is fighting to fix himself to become the best man I can.
I'm hoping the evaluator and the courts will see these things as positives, not negatives as I'm taking responsibility for myself and acting to improve as a human. My W certainly isn't doing any of this and I can only hope they'll see the truth.
LATEST UPDATE... W sent me an e-mail this morning refuting my claim that I thought our discussions were only centering on the upcoming weekends and she ended w/ this zinger: "D was VERY tired this morning -- as she always is when she comes home from seeing you. She really didn't want to get up and go to school." I didn't respond to it.
She then sent off another one telling me when I would see my D over the next few weeks. There was no discussion, only a "here is the schedule."
I replied, kindly told her I was misunderstanding our last conversation about D seeing me, and then asked politely about adding another day to my next visit w/ D.
W replied telling me she is tired of fighting w/ me on the schedule, I knew exactly what I was asking for, and she was through negotiating w/ me. She ended w/
Quote:
Please clarify something for me. The fax your attorney sent my attorney clearly stated that you are not fighting me for 50% physical custody. If not, then why are we seeing a parenting evaluator? Since you don't want 50% physical custody of D, what is your proposal?
I replied asking for a few more days for visitatin to get us closer to 50/50 time as she will have D for 14 of the next 20 days under her proposal. I then made sure to answer her questions above by writing the following:
Quote:
As for custody, I have maintained all along that I am seeking 50/50 parenting time w/ D and 50/50 joint legal custody. I am not fighting against you for this custody and I never have been. I am simply asking for what I am legally entitled to concerning parenting time and legal custody in the state of Arizona.
I think this was the right thing to do as the DB coach told me to answer her questions, but to be concise and to the point.
When and if she responds, there will be no more bartering b/t us on this situation. I will simply say how I'd like to see her, but I won't be taking her bait on this. I'm hoping that I'm not taking her bait too much right now as it is.
It is a difficult and long process. I'm hanging tough, but I'm worn down.
W didn't respond to my e-mail, so that means I'll probably get something nasty tomorrow morning. That is the usual ritual. She gets to her office and fires off something mean-spirited in my direction before she heads on to class. I guess it helps her start her day or something. Oh, well. After a while, you just expect it to be thrown, duck and move on.
I called tonight and W didn't answer the phone so I left a message for D. W never had her call back, so I didn't get to tell my little girl goodnight tonight. I can only hope she got the message, which is very doubtful.
I started a long overdue cleaning of the house. I picked up D's room and then ran the vacuum throughout the place. I still have to do the master bed and bath which I'll do before heading to bed. I just decided I'd let the place go long enough and it was time to get after cleaning again. I'll be mopping tomorrow and then working on cleaning up the clutter and filing everything that is necessary.
I hit the gym again and feel good. I'd been off the workout and basic diet wagon since Friday, so it was good to get back at it. I need to go again tomorrow to do my legs and then I'll train again on Wednesday. The key is consistency for me, so I need to establish that so I'll have some rhythm.
I meet w/ the lawyer on Wednesday and I don't need to prepare too much for him as we'll be doing a working meeting as we gather our facts and information to give to the parenting evaluator. I have enough to show I'm an involved father w/out dragging W through the mud, so I'm hoping we can stay that course. I will most likely need to defend against some of her accusations, but my L will go over that w/ me.
Well, it is off to vacuum the master bedroom, then read the paper before going to sleep.
I'm tired and am looking forward to some good rest.
You're always welcome for whatever support I may provide.
As for my sitch, the progress continues. That day which 'shall live in infamy' for us both - Feb 5, seems like it might kind of be fizzling out. Piecing seems to be in my future.
The baby steps continue. There is a refreshed feeling between us that I am being careful to nurture with TLC. New territory for me.
Just trying to keep up w/ God's plan. His 2X4's can be interesting.
W's viscious e-mail arrived this afternoon. I have to say I'm surprised it didn't come this morning, but maybe she needed time to let her anger build up.
In any event, she called my time spent w/D over the last two months "detrimental to her development" and accused me again of telling D to lie to her and keep secrets. She also said I don't respect D's bedtime and drag her all over the place when she's w/ me because I "don't know what to do with her."
I was told I'm using D as an asset to be evenly divided between us, I don't discipline her or tell her right from wrong, do not establish boundaries, and buy her everything she wants so she is begining to equate material objects w/ love.
So, it is interesting to know how my W feels about my parenting. It is also interesting to know where she's getting her information from. This is very, very sad, but not unexpected.
In any event, here is the response I'm preparing to send to her:
Quote:
I'm sorry this is so upsetting to you. This entire process is unfortunately difficult on all of us. I wish I could see you smile and be happy again instead of being so frustrated and angry.
Please know that my intentions have never been about anything other than spending time w/ my daughter. I have thoroughly enjoyed every opportunity I've had to be with her and will continue to look forward to our times together.
Thank you for taking the time to voice your concerns. I will continue to keep an eye on Grace and let you know if I see any of this behavior from her when she is with me.
What do you all think? I'm curious to hear your take on all this.
I think your response about the 50/50 parenting time is great. I dont think you should give her the time of day concerning her latest spew-mail. I do think your W is one of those that actually is addicted to getting mad.
Cleaning up all of the clutter my W has created around the house is indeed a nightmare. I lived in the house 5 years before I got married and always kept it neat. I will get it back there and I am sure you will too. Just have patience and dont try to do it all at once. It is tough not letting the mess get to you.
Your response is on the money. Sooner or later she will stop trying to bait you when she rrealizes that it won't happen. Don't know when that will be. Your W's learning curve is pretty skewed.
Hang tough and keep achieving some some new things for you.
