OMG Here we go again!! What Have I Done??

[water2moon]

Just when I start to feel better and more secure H goes and messes it up for me. Today he started asking me questions about school and made comments about if I find a better job making more money I'll be happier and more financially dependent.Last Night the OW sent him more texts and in one said that she hoped he had a nice life and that his whore would no longer be a part of it. Now I asked him how he felt about that comment. He told me it didn't bother him but I could tell he was lying. I can just see him calling her and saying " No I never thought of you that way" So we got into another one of our arguments but this time he's back to being defensive..So he left for work..And I did something I shouldn't have done..I Called the OW's Mother..I don't know what I was thinking..I told her that her daughter has been having an affair with my husband for months now and if she doesn't stop with the texts and calls I'll go to the police..She didn't say much and I could tell she was angry..From what i understand she thinks little of her daughter since she had a baby with a married man 3 yrs ago..I apologized for calling so late and hung up..5 mins later my H is calling me yelling at me and asking me if I know what i've done? He says that the OW threatned to come and beat me up..and get him fired..Then he proceeded to tell me that we're finished, he doesn't want me anymore and If I want him to stay here he's here only for the kids and to leave him be..but how do I do this?? 2 days ago he swore he didn't love her anymore and wanted to work on us, told me the texts didn't bother him..I know I need him here financially and the last time I threw him out he called begging and crying promising me that it was over..I know what I NEED to do but how do I do it? How do I let him stay here and continue with his affair? How do I pretend that it's not killing me? I want to go out and get some affection of my own..It's been so long and I'm so lonely..If I throw him out then he'll end up with her and her son while my kids and I suffer..I'm so tired of this rollercoaster ride that has become my life.I need to get stronger, I deserve a Man who loves me and wants me..this is so unfair..How does one go from promising to lvoe you forver and then one day they treat you like garbage?