Finding DB late in the game #4

[cw68]

Up until this point, he wouldn't do any of the other weekend things I have put out there. I think the cost (re: cheap) factor of Retro might balance it out. Once he referred to it as the "catholic" option and I countered with the "cheap" option.

I know that in DBing, I'm not supposed to put out there what I need, but I simply cannot just stand to the side forever. Some may say that I haven't been at this long, since I really discovered DBing in January. However, we've been fighting this fight since July. How I wish I would have really jumped into this site, into the book last fall when I first ran across it. I was just trying so many things and then when one would fail, I'd go on to the next one. It took me a while to find this. Nine months ago my world was rocked to its core. I need some stability. I need to feel loved. I'm lonely, though I'm not scared anymore at least.

I need him to do Retro, and if he won't do Retro then he needs to do something else. Jen, I'm as wary of the whole catholic thing (again, no offense) but since I grew up in an Italian/Irish neighborhood of Chicago (read: Catholic), I'm pretty used to tuning it out. I will set up a couple of other options that I hope he bites at, or I am as dark as dark can be.

I'd be dark right now if he didn't tell me flat out last week that spending time together as a family is good for him, that it allows the two of us a lot of positive interaction since he's not ready to deal with us one-on-one. He's making a few steps towards that, however. He said -- and I'll believe it when I see it -- that while his Mom is here later this week we'll go out together alone.

BTW, I'm soooo not looking forward to his Mom coming. She and I get along fine, but she's a bitch. A lonely, depressed, unhappy hermit who has pretty much driven her kids away from her. She has no friends, she hates whatever job she has at the moment and has no people skills. She's brilliant, has two college degrees, but mostly works minimum wage jobs because "the boss is a jerk," "I work with idiots," or "I can't stand working for such corporate pigs." She's never married, heck never had a relationship that's lasted for two years, has put herself before her three kids (by different fathers because her relationships didn't last long enough to have multiple kids by the same guy) always and lives by the motto that you have to make yourself happy. Except that she's unhappy. Without question, she's part of our problem because she didn't prepare her kids for real life, heck SHE can't deal with real life.

While I admit that I'm probably somewhat biased against her, even my husband would agree with 95% of what I wrote above. This is what kind of a mother she is: in 1971, when her oldest was about five or so (she was 24), her parents took them to England. As they were finishing packing and planning on going to the airport, she turned to her Mom and said, "You take X back to the States, I'm staying here and getting a job. I'll send for X when I'm employed." Nobody heard from her for six months until she showed up at their doorstep saying, "I'll take X now." And that's a tame story in the book of MIL.

I don't expect her to be a positive influence on our relationship during this visit, though I do know that she loves and supports me.