Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
He may well be. He may well be driving around, thinking and driving. Or he may be doing what you think he might be doing. I am worried about YOU! I know sooo much how you are feeling. Try to sleep. Don't confront tonight. Take care. I have been there, and am so sorry.
The problem is that the lies that you've been told before set this whole thing up to expect more of the same. Sara, you didn't make this sitch... HE did. He's the one who's lied and cheated. UNTIL he's ready to be transparent and non flakey... your suspicions are justified. How you act on them however is another thing. Going dark means not caring what the heck it is that he does.
Your comment should be... how was Walmart? Nod if he gives you any kind of answer and if it's more than a few words... walk away.
That ability to shrug and go: "whatever" will balance out this sitch for you. Each of us need to take back a sense of control... some need to go dark, some need to really give their Hs or Ws space, some need to let them just work out their mixed up minds... (mine is out sweeping the driveway - it's 6:20 am right now) *shrug*
The one thing my T really has finally driven home to me was that I had given my H too much control. The more one person does something in a relationship, the more the other doesn't have to put in the effort. Caring "too much" also fits in that category. Backing off makes the other feel off balance and get a sense that they have to fill the gap.
hugs to you Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
so you told him you were cutting off contact with him and he asked about his dinner? wow, what a pathetic response. Granted I am aware he is not all 100% into working on the M, but jeez, at least he could've tried to talk to you about how you are feeling.
One way for him to prove he isn't with someone else, unless he got a 2nd phone like stbx, is to ask to see his phone records, the whole thing will be there, so if you see 800min to one phone, then you'll know.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
How do you see details of his phone records? He pays his phone monthly and gets x amount of mintues for the month. I have never seen a list of phone numbers on his phone bill. I pay mine the same way only it is taken from my paypal account monthly. I have never seen a list of phone numbers on mine either.
Here is what went down last night...
I had a bad headache, so I went home and got straight into my bed. The tax refund had came in the mail. H comes home about a half hour later. He wants to get his half of the tax income because his bill for the classes he is taking is due. He comes in an talks to me about it. I was very brief and short. Right before he left I told him that I had contacted a lawyer about prices and hours. He said, "I really wish you'd wait on that." He looked really hurt.
I selpt a little longer and when I woke up I was feeling much better. H had left a note saying that after the bank, he was going to work out. I left and worked out myself.
When I got home, my half of the money was on the table. H called me and said that he was concerened when I wasn't home. I told him that I was feeling better and went to Curves. He said he was walking at the park and would be home soon.
So I messed around some with my new computer (which I LOVE...everything is 10 times faster!!!). Then I get the "Walmart" text message. When it got to be 10pm and he wasn't home, I totally lost it. Here is where I went downhill. I put some of his clothes in a paper bag and left it on the porch. I texted him saying that his clothes were on the porch and the doors are all locked. Then I broke down and wailed and bawled. H comes home shortly after this. I can hear him figuring out all of the locks on the door. He walks in holding the paper bag and says "You know you can't do this. Are you okay, Sara? I am really worried about you." I am crying and ranting and raving in an unknown language (hehe...I was crying that even I couldn't understand what I was saying). H explained that he was at Walmart and some other stores looking for a new mp3 player (he did his own laundry and washed his old one). He didn't mean for it to take so long, but he couldnt' find one he liked. He tells me that he knows he has lied to me in the past and I have no reason to believe him this time, but he swears there isn't another woman. He just hasn't felt like coming home and has been wanting to get out of the house. He is sorry that it upsets me so much.
He then bends down to me on the floor and says "it is going to be alright, Sara." To which I reply "I know. God loves me. It is going to be alright." And he says "Yeah, and I love you, Sara." He then asks me if I would move back into the bedroom with him. I tell him that I am not comfortable with that yet. He says that he understands but was hoping that I would move back in. He again swears that there isn't another woman and I am getting worked up for no real reason.
I dont' know what to think. It is possible that he just wants to get out of the house. Especially since the only thing I had said to him prior to this was about lawyers.
Back in December when I accusted him of being with another woman, he got really defensive. He wasn't like that at all this time.
Is there actually a chance that he is not with another woman and is starting to take small steps towards working on our marriage?
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Sara he seems sincere..And the fact that he told you he loves you well I think that's great..My H has not said that to me at all the last 3 weeks that he was supposedly working on fixing our marriage..just stay strong..
Me: 36 H: 34 2 D's: 10+13 Married: 13 yrs(Together 15) Found out about A-Jan 08 Finally ended April 08..I hope?? Struggling to co-exist in peace
Is there actually a chance that he is not with another woman and is starting to take small steps towards working on our marriage?
Sara
Of course! He sounds sincere & loving towards you. I think you def. should try to live "as if" he is faithful and loving since you don't really know whether he is or not at this point. If he is actually having an affair, you will know or find out for certain I am sure at some point and I wouldn't worry about that now (although I know how hard that is), and I would try to be calm and just focus on yourself for now. Keep yourself busy doing activities or hobbies or with friends or whatever will make you happy. I do think he should be trying to be transparent as much as possible on his part though of course, and that will help too. Karen
