Okay, a twist in the story. My D20 is coming home from college and she and W are planning to go to a concert on Mother's Day - W suggests bringing her mom and my mom! What does this mean? Maybe nothing, just trying to stay friends with MIL, means a lot, as MIL needs to travel a distance to get there, means a baby step or no step. My parents said if they do come up, they will stay in a hotel, I said NO WAY, S19 will stay in the office and they can have his room. It may be a little different, but that is what happens.
What do you all make of this???
CBK,
Since you asked....What I make of this is YOU NEED TO DETACH!!!!!!! Come on CBK? Didn't you read DB? What part of giving your W space/time did you not understand? Would your behaviour have been attractive when you were courting your W many years ago? Of course not, and it isn't now either! I know you are coming her for support.....but, wouldn't it be more productive if your posts were about YOU....what are YOU doing?...not about your W. For now, assume she is on a LONG trip to a distant country! While she's "away", why don't you work on being a better you?
I thought about you...and me...when I heard this song today by Tristan Prettyman whose chorus goes "If you really love me, when you see me leaving just let me go":
I'm not surprised that you still call I'm not surprised I'm more surprised that I don't answer Pick up the phone to call you back Pick up the phone to call you back Ain't it funny how things work out like that
Cause the time that it takes to open my eyes Is the time that it took me realize
Madly madly madly Well tell that you need me Show me im the only and thats all I need to know Madly madly madly Well if you really love me When you see me leaving Baby just let me go
Well I've been good, no ive been great You say you're in a better place And honestly I might be for ya. But theres a tone in my voice that gives away my selfish choice Could my heart beat any faster?
Cause the time that it takes to pass me by Is the time that it took me to realize
Madly madly madly Tell me that you need me Show me I'm the only and thats all I need to know. Madly madly madly Well if you really love me When you see me leaving baby Just let me go
We give it up, try to find what was with us all the time Gotta lose some things if you're ever gonna get on by And who was wrong who was right? Always end up in a fight I thought I won, but now I find....
Madly madly madly If you really love me when you see me leaving Just let me go Madly madly madly Well tell me that you need me Show me I'm the only and that's all I need to know know know know Madly madly madly If you really love me, when you see me leaving baby just let it go no Madly madly madly Tell me that you want me when you see me leaving, just let me go.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Faithful H - I am sitting here cracking up - that is a good thing I probably haven't laughed in a while. You are correct, I need to detach. I am sure Steve will come after me as well to slap me along side the head. This is still so new to me and emotions run hot and cold.
Those lyrics were great, loved them. I was sitting in my hotel starting to feel sorry for myself and refreshed the screen - one prayer answered!
I am going to go back and read some of the posts, and answer some of the questions you all asked.
How is THAT for a postive step.
I need to get my sense of humor back - but the corporate world started to suck that out, time to insert it back in!
Thanks for the smack.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Glad you enjoyed it. I think it is a cool song because it sounds great....but, the lyrics catch me cause I don't know if she wants the guy to court her...or leave her alone. At the end of the day, I think it means respect my choices even if they mean I'm walkin' away.....and then we might make it! Sounds crazy....or madly, madly, madly....but, I think some of us (read as ME) get too possessive of our spouses and forget they have their very own needs, wants, desires...that may have little to do with us at times.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Originally Posted By: Don Henley -- The heart of the matter
Im learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, Im learning again Ive been tryin to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think its about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you dont love me anymore ...
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on You keep carryin that anger; itll eat you up inside, baby
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
You have things to be positive about. I want you to list the things you can be positive about. DO IT! HERE!
Okay what can I be positive about:
I am healthy, even after loosing 34 lbs, I feel good about my physical being.
I have two wonderful children that love and respect me.
I provided my family with a much better life than I could have ever imagined. We have traveled the world together!
I have many friends all over the country that I love and trust.
I have a great job and am valued in my company.
I LOVE life, always have
I have a great sense of humor
Even though I loss partial use of one leg due to a back operation, I still am able to walk, workout, golf and ski (they thought I was going to be with a cane the rest of my life)
I am rediscovering my spirituality
I love the outdoors and that will be part of my GAL
So I am going to leave it at that. The list was tougher than I thought. I hope this is what you mean Steve. These are positive things about me.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Dont be too hard on yourself. This is hard for all of us. Wish I could tell you I am a model DBer but I am not. I have learnt how to keep my mouth shut that is all! lol. You read my sitch. Isee alot of me in you. Get away from the phone, becuase I know you will call her, I know this because I would have and I did. I know you are sitting in that hotel rooms trying to dream up a plausible reason for calling W and having a converstation.
If you check in on my thread you will see I am not doing so perfectly either. We are all in this togehter, I am just a few steps on down the road from you.
You are doing well. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Oh the MIL thing is a positive sign i suppose, as means W is not cutting you from her life just yet.
Women need security and safety in their lives. (ladies correct me if I am wrong). W likes the OM as he gives her a `spark`, but he cannot offer security. Now if you can offer the spark again, I gurantee you will be the better option.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
Just a quick comment on the line from your old (yesterday?) post:
Quote:
GAL is tough because of my age and the town I live in,
What age are we talking about??! You're the same age as me and I'm a young and beautiful woman ! I'm sure Addie will tell you the same.
You're doing great, keep it up.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I probably haven't laughed in a while. You are correct, I need to detach. I am sure Steve will come after me as well to slap me along side the head. This is still so new to me and emotions run hot and cold.
