thank you so much for your loving posts, careful reading, friendly visits!!!!
Right after the call, I couldn't sleep, so I got out of bed and did some writing. I asked myself "what am I feeling?" And came up with some interesting stuff: disconnected, frustrated, inadequate (b/c I don't have a musical myspace page & I don't have any cool new songs to send him); also afraid that b/c of the comfort I was going to slip back into a) who I was 6 months ago, which is not who I am now and b) the "subset" of who I am that comes out with B that is not entirely who I am. But it was interesting.... I sat with my feelings, then I could sleep, and the next day, I didn't feel inadequate any more!!!
I had a great session today with my counselor. We talked about the call and he made many stellar observations. I confuse sharing what I want with sharing feelings, most of my feeling-sharing is related to me trying to get a certain outcome. He suggested that instead of thinking a lot about what *happened* and centering myself in the events outside myself, I can focus on what I am *feeling* and center myself *inside* myself. I brought up Essie's observation that I confuse being centered with being controlling and he told he told me his definition of centered-- We talked about how people center themselves with different things... work, drinking, drugs, relationships, etc, but until they can center themselves *in themselves* they are always off-balance. AMAZING.
He also told me that I have 1 or 2 more sessions, and then because of University policy I can't start another round of therapy until a year from the date I started... so maybe i will be able to squeeze some sessions in in nov-dec before I graduate. Hm, I am wondering if I should just pay to see a counselor in the meantime... I feel like I am breaking into a new compartment, I am very excited to experience what is inside.
Other than that... I got some awesome new DAYS OF THE WEEK lacy underwear that makes me feel super hot!! And in case I forget what day it is I can just ... discreetly check my undergarments
