Don't forget too... your H is in total selfish, confused state. OW, erratic behavior is all part of the pot we find ourselves in. My point... They do and say dumb things,... waffling on no contact with the OP is also part of the same pattern of bizarre behavior perhaps in your case. (I even fully expect mine might hop the fence for a while again too when I'm gone)... if so... LET it happen. That's what I decided to do. Hard as it might be... can't make em do something or stop doing something they get their minds set on.
Mean time.... Go dark and let him self destruct. Try to become and be the person that he'd be an UTTER fool and idiot not to want to be with. Abbey
I think this is great advice! And I'm having fun becoming & being the person that my H would be a fool or idiot to not be with me. Everyone tells me they think H is crazy or an idiot (OW is married, 2nd or 3rd marriage with dysfunctional kids too) and I have to wonder if my H thinks so too sometimes! Most men if they could choose between us wonderful spouses here on this board or a messed-up, dysfunctional OP I think would choose us!!! So I think they are kind of crazy!!! Karen
I do swear that there's some brain chemistry at play here... for people to act just that erratic... I really can't help but feel there's a whole lot of brain misfiring going on that's making them do stuff they don't even know how to handle.
Crazy is exactly the word I'd use too. How else can I possibly explain someone wanting to separate who when in actual fact,... we've done more together and gotten along better in the last 2 months... than in the last 3 or 4 years. ... Crazy bout covers it.
The forum is filled with other examples of folks just gone right off their ever lovin' rockers.
Abbey
Last edited by Abbey; 04/21/0810:17 PM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
I just woke up from a nap. My headache is much better.
Do you think there is any chance that H isn't having an affair? I am 2nd guessing myself. What are some things he can do to prove to me right now that he is not having an affair?
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I may have to go dark also, Why us, I get so mad sometimes, We all wish you the best. Will keep praying for you
Psalm 23 (English Standard Version)
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Trying to stay happy as my heart gets ripped out. Looking for love and affection (getting little or none)
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 2 Dogs and 1 Cat OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 and still going ???
I have been to see a L as well, on the advice of my dad, who is also a L. My dad sent me to see a L just so I would have a realistic idea of what I can expect under the law. I am not ready to file for D either, but I have a much clearer understanding of what the process will be if that is the way things end up. It was scary to walk in there and hear what he had to say, but I'm not the least bit afraid now, because I will have no surprises. So just because you call one or even go to a consultation, no one but you can get the ball rolling. Nothing is final until its final....
Keep taking care of you and I think going dark is a great idea. I'm not sure if he is in contact with OW again or not, but you need to let him know what you need from him to make you feel more secure with the situation.
Hugs ((((SARA))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Sara, been thinking about you. You are doing everything you can. I was soooo in your shoes last summer, not ready to see a L, H refusing to budge. Our only difference is that H confessed his A to me (after gaslighting me a bit). Its a hard place. You will be fine, you will stay afloat. Cry, sleep,eat, rest, take care of yourself. Going dark is a safe thing for you.
I am very confident that he is not with THE OW. So if he is with someone it is a new person.
There is some possibilty that he is telling me the truth. But I am very cautious about that. There is a possibility that he is coming out of his depression and wants to do more things. I am just thinking out loud now.
How can I know that he went for a walk and now is at Wal-mart like he is telling me. Sure if he bought somethign at Wal-mart I can see the item and the receipt. But what if he says, "They didn't have what I was looking for" or "It cost more than I thought." Then I will have no way of knowing if he was at Wal-mart or with some woman. He does tell me where he is going to be and stuff like that. At least 90% of the time. I appreciate that from him, but I need more.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Something else....last time he was having an affair (in December), he lied to me about it for about a week and a half and then finally the pressure got to him and he told me that he had a "special female friend whoses friendship he valued as much as our marriage" (barf!) So if nothing else, I believe I can hang in there for a bit and he will tell me if there is another OW
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
H broke it off with original OW in Dec. 07. I knew IN MY GUT he was at least flirting/dating in February with others and he doesn't deny it. That is why I insisted he move out, and he finally did. If you instinct is telling you one thing, then you might be right. If H does the same thing, maybe he'll confess to you soon. I am so sorry!
I totally get the WalMart and walk thing. I honestly can say after a full year of being lied to over one thing or another, I don't know if I could ever trust H again. But then again my H is sooo far from wanting to work things out, your H is much closer.
Karen