Still Working on Us

[minkerman]

Identical to my sitch as well...almost quote for quote. It's a bit scary to read yours, in fact. I understand your frustration and confusion. For instance, here is what I am handling.

My W feels the "need" (not just a want, a desire or a preference) to be on her own. But she doesn't really know why. She loves me deeply. She thinks I'm "hot", and a "real catch". We connect on a visceral level. We can talk for hours. She tells me she is confused, bored, and lonely. We see each other every weekend. We have been together 30 years, and married for 28 of them. We have been through hell and back with family deaths, struggles, extended time away from each other etc, but through all of it we have been there for each other.

Now....she doesn't want to be with me.

Twice in the past 4 months, she has told me she wants to reconcile and move back home...but the next day, has changed her mind.

She feels she needs to discover who she is, and for that she needs to be away from me, away from "us". She thinks that I am probably not in her future, but doesn't discount it entirely. She even thinks it's possible that we might divorce, but somehow end up together again in the future. She needs time and space to discover what she says will become "spectacularly obvious", and feels it can't be rushed with a timeline...and she is certain that I won't wait for her to do this.

She thinks she's confused...baby, walk a mile in my shoes.

HFF, I feel your pain...it hurts, doesn't it?