Hello Mr. MLC part quatro...

[Runswithscissors]

Pity not asked for nor wanted by you. WOW...all I can do is laugh hysterically at this one. The last time I looked you weren't GOD therefore have no right to judge me and who I am.
-------->I can not judge you as a person, but I can when you air your laundry judge what your actions are. And your actions are horrible.



Sweetheart you are here on DB for some reason also. Maybe your marriage isn't the best because of you too.
------->I've totally admitted my mistakes. Instead of continuing them, I chose to stop them. If you would like to know more- you can read my thread.

None of us are perfect but let's not get into this hollier than thou BS with me. It isn't a pissing contest!
-------->This isn't about being holier than thou. This is about saving a marriage and saving a marriage can NOT be done until you find out why you are so co-dependant and are having an affair.

Again, don't like what I am doing then post elsewhere with someone whom your methods can infact bully into submission.
-------->This is a public forum. I will continue to post simply becuase anyone knew here should know that your actions are NOT practices accepted by DB nor the moderators NOR the coachs of DBing.


Oh and yes, in therapy and yes, have done the DB coaching. Can't say I got my monies worth with either necessarily. Maybe this is really just who I am. Not like you and not like many others here.
--------->If you tried therapy and you didn't like it it's because of 2 things. 1) the therapist was bad and you needed to seek another one or 2) the therapist also agrees your actions are not acceptable and you didn't like the answer so you stopped.



And don't you dare suggest that what I am doing will have a negative effect on my children. They are being sheltered from this as much as humanly possible. They do not know this man exists, have never met him, and won't for a very long time if ever. Sure they may figure things out on their own in time but not because I am subjecting them to any of it like some 400 lb. crack whore that doesn't give a damn because my tax dollars are paying for her to have multiple kids with multiple men.
-------->Why do you feel I am comparing you to a crack whore? I went back and that was not even part of any equation. Your children will know. Trust me. One day, this will come back to bite you. Maybe not today, but in the future- after your divorced and the two of you (mom/dad) are bitter- One will spill the beans and the children will find out. Seen it way to many times. You don't/won't believe me now.. but 10 years from now.. you will be saying "damn, that biotch RWS was right".

Did you ever stop and think maybe my H is just a schmuck and didn't want the responsibility of a M and kids anymore and didn't want out due to problems WE caused or didn't cause?
-------->huh? What does this have to do with you having an affair? His actions should not control your destiny or your behavior.

Save your lectures and GAL stuff for your clients not me.
---------->I realize you don't want my advice, but I will continue to post as I said partly because new comers need to know that your behavior is not acceptable practice of DBing.

[Runswithscissors]

Very well said!!

[Runswithscissors]

What it boils down to is that I may or may not take H back if he decided to come back. I am still unsure...honestly I am.
------>I would be confused too, hence the reason you need to be alone without another man in order to clear your head and make the decision for your family.


My affair is not some payback for his. One minute I want H back the next I don't because I don't know that I could ever trust him again.
--------->no, its not a payback. You had the affair before you KNEW your husband had one. And trust.. I am sure your H will have those same issues too.

I am doing what I feel I need to right now to get through my days. You said many get up each day determined to get through this bad spot in their lives...well I see what i am doing as exactly that...me getting through this bad spot in my life.
--------->afraid of being alone.



Many disagree with it and I can respect that however I am not perfect and neither is anyone here or hell...none of us would be here in the first place.
--------->I dont' disagree, but unlike you- most of us here are wanting to repair our marriage not destroy it. Furthermore, most of us here apply the principles behind the site... DBing.


I realize my children will realize in time that I am seeing someone else if it hasn't fizzled out by then however I am doing EVERYTHING in my humanly possible power right now to prevent them from knowing. I don't want to introduce them to more emotional trauma and stress. Yes, many of you reading this will want to scream right at your monitor now because as you see it that is exactly what I AM DOING by being with someone who isn't their father.
------------>they will know in time... and regardless of their age it will have a HUGE effect on them... you just refuse to see it... I am a child of a parent who had an affair. I found out at 18 and I can not to this day look at that parent with the same eyes. But, it's YOUR life.. you do what you want to with it...... just remember YOUR life includes innocent children who didn't ask for this... and one day it's going to slap them right between the eyes.... By all means, continue to be selfish becuase you can't be "alone".

I also realize there will be more posts against what I am doing than any that even remotely stop to think that maybe this is OK for me...not you or them but OK for me personally.
------------>sure, it's "okay" for you.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Fuel on a fire makes it grow.

Monkey, may as few people as possible be hurt with this course of action. Protect your children as best as you can. Regret as little as possible in your life, do as little harm as you can.

RWS, pointless to continue.

I'm not sure the mods will let this post survive much longer...and no I didn't point it out. We are adults here, if you don't like something...ignore it.

[smith18]

Heather - I understand how you feel and you are not the first to reach out for companionship when you feel so hurt and betrayed. I also believe that you are looking out for your children and dont want them to get confused.

I do hope that you are not leading the other man down a path where he could get hurt if you and Dan decide to get back together. For me, that is the number one reason I have not started dating - it would be so painful to the new person if I were to break it off if my W and I were to reconcile. The other reason is I think I am still too vulnerable.

I remember when I first found this site, I read all of the success stories and one really stood out. It was of a police officer who had a WAW and he thought it was all over and started seeing a really nice lady as just a friend. They got in an accident and he saved her life and from there the friendship turned into a deep love. Then his WAW wanted back and he had a terrible decision to make - he had to break the heart of the new love he had found as his W meant more to him.

[mymonkeybug]

Kerry-

I remember reading that same story. It was a sad one.

So in all honesty and this question is for everyone...

H for 3 weeks now has come to me for sex or sexual acts...

let's say I break off my affair...should I then give into H's requests for sex even though what he is doing is cheating on his gf? This is a puzzling issue to me. I can't see how there are people on here that have their H's or W's living at home with them all the while having a gf or bf on the side that the spouse at home knows about. Wouldn't I be giving H his cake AND letting him eat it too like so many of these others on here are doing?

And yes there is a very good chance the mods will put an abrupt end to my thrad sooner than later if it continues as it is. Who knows?!?!

[Forrest Gump]

So much tension.

"Crazy" all around.

I'll fit right in...

Off we go..

Jack_Three_Beans.... Well said. I think I saw the RE: was correct and everything.

MMB... "Sweetheart you are here on DB for some reason also. Maybe your marriage isn't the best because of you too."

That was a little uncalled for.

So much stuff... Where to start.

Lets work backwards on this one.

We all know you and H are having an affair. Enough said.

Lets get into how and why you two are interacting in a more pleasant manner now? I want to know some more about what the conversations center around.

I have to go read and catch up so that should give you some time.

Also.. Have you gotten the "papers" yet?

[Forrest Gump]

KerryK...

Thanks for posting up the links. I know sometimes what I am saying can be confusing. Seriouly.. If I say something and you don't understand ... Please ask.. A Forrest WTF? will be fine.

I am glad you enjoyed the Baseball cages. I never bought gloves.. I always got the smallest bat I could and the slowest pitches I could. Put me on a little girls team and I am going to crush those balls.

Thanks for being around.. I have not really read much of your stitch so all I can really say is thanks for stepping up!

[Forrest Gump]

FB2 I saw your post and I think I have something that will help you a little.

I know I always seem to put you off... Its not that way. Bare with me a little and I will get something up for you. I will post it on your thread.

[Runswithscissors]

let's say I break off my affair...should I then give into H's requests for sex even though what he is doing is cheating on his gf?
------->NO. This is the part where I said you need to have more self respect. If I knew my husband was having an affair, I would in no way allow myself to sleep with him.

This is a puzzling issue to me. I can't see how there are people on here that have their H's or W's living at home with them all the while having a gf or bf on the side that the spouse at home knows about.
---------->I don't know who on here that is doing that, but it's never acceptable.

Wouldn't I be giving H his cake AND letting him eat it too like so many of these others on here are doing?
------->that is exactly what you would be doing.



MMB-

1) You need to tell your husband that any type of re-conilation will ONLY be considered when he finds another place to live and stops his affairs. You deserve that. If he refuses to do that, you then know exactly where you fit into the equation and you move on with your life- but do so without having another man. Yes, you are lonely- every one is. That's where you pick up a hobby, you find friends that you need to reconnect to and you spend time with "you".

2) If he refuses to give up the affair at that point YOU ONLY have discussions with him in regards to the kids. You stop allwing the coffee treats, the peck on the cheeks, the kisses on the lips. He is having his cake and eating it too when he does that. Sure, it feels wonderful, but in the end... where are you? Still seperated.

For pete's sake.. the man IS taking a vacation and you are holding on to the shred you two will be back together one day. I understand how that would feel- but until you take a self assessment of you- you won't be able to move on.

I don't think this has ever been answered and I know it's been asked multiple times- DID YOU GET PAPERS?