Please help me! Wife wants out! (5)

[steve477]

OK here is a post you will all think `oh steve...` about.

Things going well tonight. Got home, I jumped in the shower, W checked her PC. Not too happy about that but there you go. After I got out the shower, I went back to oue bedroom to get dressed. Shewas still checking the PC, but didnt dive to cover it as she had done previously. I was getting dress in a place where I was next to her and I could see the screen, was not looking but could see the screen. When dressed I sait down next to her. She had an ecard of Garfeild on the screen. She quickly closed it and the email inbox told me it was from other guy number 2. I was a bit miffed by the fact she tried to hide it, as I beleive her when she says there is nothing there. Why does she need to hide that? I said, sorry I didnt mean to interupt her, and to give me a shout when she was done and I could come back into the room.
Came back a bit later, and I was a bit `quiet` with her, lay on my side and read my book, making it obvious I hadnt really liked how she had reacted before. Later that evening she seemed upset. She said she was sorry, and she was sorry she couldnt make me happy. I said I didnt expect her to make me happy and I am ok. She said she knew I was upset because OM2 had sent emails. I said that I wasnt upset about that, I dont really care what he does at the moment. I told her I had minded that she still needs to keep him as a secret friend when she told me there is nothing there. She said she is not trying to keep him secret, but she would just like some privacy when she is checking her PC. She said she always gives me privacy when she checks my PC. Beside the point that I couldnt care less if she come in and reads all my emails or not.
So lesson tonight, I am moving too fast. She is not ready to open up her life to me yet.

Here comes the `oh steve...` part. Snooping. I snooped a week or so ago. Didnt mention it as I was dealing with what I read. Also didnt want to disappoint everyone here, as you think I am doing so well. But there is no sense in not telling you I suppose.

Good and bad. Good, was W was annoyed with OM1 because of him `asking her everyday about her feeling for him and if she wants to finish with him` Was more but that was the general gist. Said she was thinking about his family. Said she thought she knew him but seems she doesnt......All good for me.

Bad, Since the baby has started kicking OM has been wanting to feel the baby kick. Wants to `hold her tummy, and talk to the bump`..... Dont really know Ws feelings about this. She knows I dont want anyone else to touch, but I `know` she wont mind him touching.

It is one thing for him to be messing with my W, but now he is messing with my family!!!!!!!!! I was kinda counting on him being scared off as the pregnancy progressed, but seems it is the opposite that is happening. Man I want to rip his head off sometimes. It just feels so wrong to me that he is interested in my baby. especailly as you all know the `gray area` around this.

I am doing ok, I think you can see this. I am good at this DB stuff now, for the most part. I wont ever let on to my W that I know some things I am not supposed too.

She really doesnt want to see me having any negative feelings around her. Especailly if she thinks she made them. I know that if I continue acting as if then that will get me closer to my goal. But I also know that I dont like the feeling of letting her `get away with it`. Why should I have to hide my negative feelings jsut because it makes her uncomfortable. She wasnt happy tongiht because she thought I was annoyed about the email (which I wasnt). I guess that it is because she is reminded about her guilty feelings. She says sorry but she doesnt seem to be doing anything about these things. Gets harder to believe she is actually sorry about what she is doing.


OK rationalise time.... do I want to be right or married? I still have alot more positives now than I did a few weeks ago. She is working on the M in he rown way, even if it is not at all in the way would like. Still doing ok. We are getting along better all the time.

Down time.... OM will not shift easily. W still likes him alot. She cant have both of us in her life. I HATE that he is interested in my baby. I never want him to set eyes on my baby. I want me and W to be ok before the birth so she can be on the same page as me with this. I just wnat to protect my family. W is a grown girl she can choose to see this #$%&head. My baby doesnt have a choice... god it make me feel physically sick.
I was counting on the pregnancy and maternity leave to be big factors for `them`, but I may have been wrong. Its late here, and I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head. Nothing has changed, I am still on track. I can still ignore the things I have no control over.

Honestly, I do sometimes think about leaving my W. Only breifly mind you.

I know she needs me. This is not help her heart as an individual, nor mine, nor ours as a couple, nor the babies. Nor the OMs if I am honest. I cant continue to watch her do this if it will continue after the birth.


OK I am ready for my 2x4s, but if you dont mind, please follow it up with a hug!

Cheers

Steve