I agree with Cat. We should not hesitate to look at our faults and work to improve ourselves, but the demise of a M requires at least one person who is not willing to work. Refrain from judgment of her--her reality is her reality, your reality is yours. It is what it is. You can't change her decision not to work, but you can remind yourself that the demise is not simply your doing. Marriages can come back from all sorts of problems provided both people are willing to do the tough work required. I do agree that one person can DB for a while, but at some point the other has to come around.
Terrence Real has a great point about this in his book "How Can I Get Through to You." Basically, he says that when A gives to B what B has long wanted, don't expect B to come around easily. Second, however, B has to be willing to take the leap if the M is going to work. We will never get a 100% guarantee on anything in life except that we will all die. At some point, B either has to decide to leave or really make an effort. He adds that B's not being willing to work may also be a form of covert revenge. B comes up will all kinds of reasons to justify not trying, but really these are just surface "excuses" to cover up what may be an unconscious desire for revenge.
