Patience is key

[ping1]

Great job Addie, you are going in the right direction. And yes, when your H got up and went to the bathroom, he was hoping you would initiate s-x. I know, I use to do the same thing with my W. I would get up to see if she was awake and would hope she would persue. So your feeling were right on this IMHO. Keep it going, it's working.

[addie]

Hi everyone! I really appreciate the feedback!!!
So H decided to spend the night in our bed again. This time after he got into bed, I decided to initiate some affection by stroking his body. He almost immediately says "I don't want to hurt you". I think I misinterpreted what he said and I was a bit P.O. I said "If you don't want to hurt me then why are you here?" I missed most of what he said because he was mumbling and I didn't want to ask him to keep repeating himself. All I caught was that he was still confused and unsure about his job. He sensed that I was P.O. After a long while I said "I understand that you're still confused and I appreciate that you don't want to hurt me." WTF??? The previous night he was "actively" trying to have s*x. When I tried to initiate with some affection it scares him off!!!
This morning he got up, made breakfast for us, left for his place but said he would meet us at church.

I don't know what is going on with OW but I don't think there is any romance/ physical R going on. H has spent almost every weekend here for the last month and just about every evening. They see each other at work and still have some contact outside of work (both our cells are on one bill in my name) but very few calls. This is one reason I'm allowing him to spend the night. If I thought he was still involved romantically with OW I wouldn't be allowing him to stay over.

[stella_k]

Oh, (((addie)))!

There is a reason they call it rollercoaster.

I'm sure he's reaching out but of course he is still very much in the fog. He's taking his baby steps. Things are coming around for you, slowly but surely. Don't get disheartened now.

[Eagle 2]

Addie,

Thank you for your help on my story. It seems like you are really close. It seems like he really wants to make a decision but can seem to finalize it. Are you sure that intimacy is a good idea while he is still up in the air? If so why not start out of the bedroom with some affectionate touching and see where it leads? Perhaps that would be less pressure and help him take the first step?

I am jealous. I would be so excited to just sleep in the same bed with WAW even w/o and touching.

[addie]

Thanks Stella, Eagle.
I know I have to focus on the positive babysteps and there have been many. I am feeling discouraged though with all his confusion. I even had the urge to call him today to tell him not to stay over again unless he had made a decision about working on the M. I know - don't do it!!!
Eagle, you are very right - the physical intimacy is not a good idea right now and I told myself I wouldn't allow it to happen until H told me he wanted to work on our marriage again. I'm glad it didn't happen because it would only complicate things by driving him right back into his tunnel. He was fine yesterday, in fact, less distant than the previous day. I didn't want H to think I was rejecting him from the previous night because I know he was wanting s*x. I would have been happy with cuddling. I guess I should be content that he is choosing to sleep in our bed again.
Yesterday H met us at church, did his own thing in the afternoon but said he'd like to play with S later on. He came over while S and I were out at a boat show - this surprised H. H went for a cycle (still has his bike here) while we were out. When we got back he took S to the park to play baseball. He had dinner with us, did some work on an assignment and left at 10 p.m. I really didn't expect him to stay.

[JenInVen]

You are doing so well. Yesterday was good for you all. I love that you surprised him by going to a boat show! Bet he wished he was there too!

Jen

[addie]

H has an interview next week in another city as his contract is ending soon. He'll be flying out for the interview. He was asked to submit a written assignment and work on a presentation for the interview. He asked me last night if he could rehearse his presentation with me when he gets it finished.
Of course, I have very mixed feelings about the potential job. For one, it's not in a city I would care to live in. Secondly, it would cause a lot of stress should we reconcile. I believe the uncertainty with his job is one thing holding H back from recommiting to our M.

[Kalni]

So, should we all then WISH he doesn't get the job? Should we try and send negative vibes? You give us the OK and we'll make sure he has a hard time during the interview
K

[ping1]

I believe the uncertainty with his job is one thing holding H back from recommiting to our M.

I can see this being the case Addie, he may not know what life holds in front of him career wise and this could also be weighing heavily on his mind. This is a stressful situation for anyone changing jobs. My guess is that once he does get a job he will be able to put more focus on the M as he is fighting both of these stressful situations right now.

[JenInVen]

Kalni you are so evil... Can we Addie? pretty please? You can be all supportive and we'll work our magic from distant lands. I've wanting to learn how to do voodoo LOL

Seriously though have you checked out the city? Maybe it's not such a bad place. I grew up in a town of 800 people so it can't be that bad can it? I know you want to move back home but why not at least research the city a bit.

Jen