this maryangela -thread 3 -- he's gone

[JenInVen]

ps let him file not you...he's the one who wants the S and D right? Then let him do the work.

Jen

[spark]

He was actually pretty shocked that I packed his stuff. I was really nice to him and told him how I organized everything for him. He sincerely thanked me. Also, he gave in to my requests for immediate spending money.

Overall it went very well. I'm still upset, but i think I handled this is a very good db way. It's like you can't stop an alcoholic from drinking and I can't stop him from leaving. It really caught it by surprise that I "helped" him!

Now,I just have to get used to the situation. I know this will take a lot of time, esp since there is a ow in the picture, but as someone wise told me, he now has to experience the consequences of his own actions (not seeing his duaghter every day, the added expenses he will now have, etc). I think this is SO true, and my trying to "keep" in inthe house wasn't allowing him to face these things. they say in al-anon, you can't deny someone the dignity of their own bottom.

this week's goals:

1. No calling him, unless it relates to our child
2. No emailing, unless again relates to our daughter
3. work my ass off so I know i have money coming in
4. no giving him a hard time about anything at all.

question: He will now have Isabella on weekends. I don't want him near ow. from what he is saying he will be staying at a friend's house. but I have a feeling that he plans to spend weekends with ow and that means contact with my daughter who is only 5 and having a hard time already. HOW do I handle this?? My lawyer says he can petition the court so there is no contact with ow and my kid. what do you guys think? adding fuel to the fire??

[cw68]

While it may be adding fuel to your fire, and I have no idea if this is dbing or not, but I think your D shouldn't get anywhere near her for quite a while. This is about a five-year old girl, not about the adults in the picture. I would stress that to your H. Don't put down the OW, don't put him down, just tell him that your girl is going to be going through a lot and she just needs to have her parents guiding her through it and nobody else. Tell him that down the road it could be a different story. Personally, petitioning the court would be my next step.

[Ready2Change]

...this week's goals..

MA, Glad to see you getting some goals posted here! Also glad to see you posting some of your actions!

Keep it up!

[spark]

well, he's leaving this morning. daughter doesn't really know (she's 5). I couldn't really sleep all last night. I swear to god what woke me up was the smell of his cologne and he wasn't even up yet (therefore, he didn't have cologne on!).

I feel a mix between wanting to throw up, cry, relief, sadness, hatred toward him at the moment and intense love toward him.

I just can't believe that I'm going to be a single mother. IF you would have told me this 3 months ago (this is how FAST this all came down -- bomb), I would have told you you were on crack. And he is acting like it no big deal -- you know, just moving on with his life. (and OW).

[spark]

bump

[spark]

bump

[spark]

so he's gone, as you know. I worked a bit this morning which helped me get my mind off things. I don't feel quite as scared financially as I figured some things over the weekend and had another conversation with lawyer this morning. I find when I DO things, constructive things, I feel much better.

I just had a crying spell. You know why? I opened the door in kitchen to make soup and I saw all the packages of Ramen Noodles that he always buys to take to work. There's like 15 packages there. I don't know why THAT made me cry. It's crap like that. The little things that you always took for granted.

anyway, I hope this gets easier day by day.

[cw68]

Knowing that keeping yourself busy helps you will make the days easier. It does get easier. For the first few weeks after my H left, I'd be sitting alone reading, watching TV or on the computer thinking, "This stinks. It's so lonely. I really miss him." Now it's just how my nights are and I'm not quite so lonely. I still miss him, but it's like a slight ache instead of a sharp pain.

[Ready2Change]

MA,

Have you met any new people? This is a big 180 for me. I have been talking to all kinds of strangers and practicing listening. (two big 180's for me). I am very focused on learning their names and some details about their lives. It has helped get my mind off of R.