Tom, not sure if you know this or not but I have a 20 year old daughter who I never lived in the same house with until she was 18 and a half years old. Actually, I only lived in the same state as her for 2 years of her life up until that point.
You do what you can, you communicate with them as much as possible and whatever way you can. I would have my daughter for spring break, 1/2 of xmas break, and 3 weeks in the summer. I took advantage of what little time we did have together and when she graduated high school she chose to come live where I am.
The important thing for them to know is that you love them, you want to be with them, and that you are doing all that you can for them with what tools you have available.
I doubted how strong my R was with my D for many years, only to find out that I did exactly what I needed to do even though I didnt trust it myself.
Thanks Ian, I needed to hear that. My youngest is going to be a challenge, he's very sensitive. I think he worries to much about his loyalites between his Mom and Me. He's way to young to worry about that. I try to reinforce how much we both love him despite our situation and that he doesn't have to choose between us.
At one point, I was so focused on saving my marriage, that I didn't consider a game plan if I failed. Now that I've accepted it's final conclusion, it's goint to be an even more daunting task to transition my kids thought this.
On my oldest son's myspace bio, he states that he enjoys spending time with his Dad. I must be doing something right to get honorable mention on a teenager's myspace page. Especially with those aggressive teenage girls and guy friends demanding his attention.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I agree with Ian. The most important thing we can give our kids, hands down, is knowing that they are loved. For a boy the age of your son to post what he did for all the world to see, I'd say you got that across to him loud and clear!
On my oldest son's myspace bio, he states that he enjoys spending time with his Dad.
And these my friend are the little gifts our kids give us to tell us we are doing just fine, I think that is awesome buddy. I can't wait to hang out some at Memphis in May bud.
sounds like a great B-day for your son! I am sure he is so happy for everyhting you did, even the cupcake spillage
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
You keep asking me this Beth and I'm not sure if your being humorous or your serious and have me confused with somebody. I have a job. As a matter of fact, I just picked out a new vacuum cleaner from our employee catalog for my 10 TH anniversary with my company. I sucked a beer bottle cap up in my old vacuum cleaner and froze the electric motor up in it.
Yeah Ian, I'm looking forward to Memphis. I have a buddy that may come down with me. He just came out of a pretty tough divorce himself last year. I'll be stopping in Southern Kentucky on my way down to meet a woman I've been talking with on the internet since last November. We've become pretty good friends so I'm looking forward to meeting her in person.
Hey Kym, nice to hear from you. Are you going to be in Memphis this May?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
My stbx called me on the phone the other night crying. She said single parenthood is taking an emotional and economic toll on her. She said there is still a part of her that loves me and wanted to know "how I was doing". She also said she is starting to notice it affect our S8. I told her it would affect him long ago, but she would not listen to me at that time. I didn't remind her of that. I paused and didn't know what to say. We have not really had a conversation outside of child care arrangements in at least a year. She also wanted to know if I missed the past with her, son, and I together.
I'm still stunned and am not sure what to say. I'm not sure what is going on with OM. I do know that I felt a sincere compassion for her and the pain she was feeling. I actually felt very sorry for her. I assured her I would be there to help with our S8 whenever I could, but I did not offer anything revealing on.. "how I was doing". I'm doing fine now and am content. I've built a life without her over the past 2 1/2 years and I no longer feel a connection to her.
I don't feel the love for her I once did, but my heart breaks for the affect this is starting to have on my S8. I don't know if I can regain that love and trust I once had for her. She is a stranger to me now. I've been exposed to several Woman over the past year and am currently involved with one. I've got my own life now and this has brought up a whole new demission in my situation that I was not prepared for. I never thought this would happen. I stopped DB'ing a long time ago. She is aware of the OW and I can sense the jealousy in her tone of voice. She had not displayed this concern for who I was dating or who I was involved with in the past 2 and 1/2 years. As a matter of fact, I doubt she had a concern on any aspect of my life. At least I didn't get that impression from her.
I'm not sure what she is going through now. I really need advice on how to handle this without hurting her feelings. I thought her confusion was a thing of the past and her mind made up on OM. Now, I don't have a clue what she is up to or what she is thinking.
Any suggestions on how to approach this?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
OMG, The minute I just got done writing this message, she called me and asked me if I thought about anything we talked about the other night. She said she felt comforted by my presence when I was at the house the other day putting my S8's pitch and catch together. BTW, it was a hit with the neighborhood kids.
I told her I was busy at work and asked her if we could talk later tonight. I forgot I'm meeting a lady friend for a late dinner after work. I won't be able to call her back till much later.
OK, what that hell do I do here? What do I say? How do I tell her I'm not ready to rush back into this without hurting her feelings?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
