Does your H help with the changes or just demand them? Maybe if you two worked together then it would be less overwhelming.
He has helped with a LOT already. Mostly improvements to the house - ie, the garage (he wants to turn it into his "man-cave" ), and the fence needed some repairing. A couple of coworkers helped him out with that stuff.
I cleared out the closets and reorganized them after he moved back in, I've been fixing homecooked meals much more (again, picking up take-out/fast food has been really convenient because of schedules), I'm trying to stay on top of the kids as far as what they need to start doing by giving them chores and having them help me out with simple household duties (I have always done it all myself), and I spruced up the front porch - new seating and potted plants. I wanted to do that even before H came back but didn't want to spend the money in case we had to put the house on the market (it sucks to fix up your home only because you plan to sell it - makes me nostalgic and teary-eyed ).
I can handle his "gripes" about certain other things in the house that he would like to see improved, but I just need him to be "nicer" about it. I need him to communicate with me on "friendly" terms. Not sound so p*ssed off and demanding all the time. His explanation is that he works his butt off - which he does - and he expects to come home to an organized house.
My house is not a wreck, and it IS organized. It's just not together the way H would like to see it.
Example: I have a drawer in the kitchen that holds all of my cooking utensils. They're all in there, but the problem for my H is that they are not organized in dividers/compartments/plastic utensil trays, whatever you call them. To H, it is a chaotic, jumbled mess. To me, it is not. They're where they belong, they're put away, and I know where everything is. I realize he doesn't, so ok.
Also, my H lives off of Gatorade. I don't regularly buy it because I don't drink it, and the boys have always had whatever I bought. Juice, milk, water, whatever. Anyway, H expects the fridge to have a constant supply of Gatorade. That's fine. I don't have a problem getting it for him. I just have to remember how important this is to him, and I have to make it part of my "routine", KWIM? I've got to stay on top of it, just like a million other things.
Well, if I forget, as was the case yesterday, I would like for him to say to me, "Hey, (GF)? We're out of Gatorade. Would you mind getting some for me today please?" "Sure, H, no problem. I'm sorry about that."
What I DON'T want to hear is what I heard yesterday morning: H staring into the fridge saying, "No Gatorade.....Guess I'll have to make some time during my busy day to get some." Don't forget to insert p*ssy, sarcastic tone.
When I get that attitude from him, then I don't want to do anything for him. Stubborn? Probably. But if he could just be more patient and know that change takes time for everyone, I think we could do better and act better towards one another.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
Sounds like you are figuring out some communication techniques that are working!
H won't even consider any kind of C or help with communication, so I have to figure this out myself, and it is really tough.
But I'm trying!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
), and the fence needed some repairing. A couple of coworkers helped him out with that stuff.
