Glad to see you back. Thank you for coming home...so to speak.
Kerry-my immediate concerns and fears I think are pretty damn obvious...I am scared shitless of being ALONE. I have had my H with me since 16 and now at 35 don't. I honestly don't want to live alone without the companionship of a man. So if that makes me weak or lacking of self love or self respect as others may see it so be it.
My H decided months ago...9 to be exact when his affair started that he no longer wanted this marriage and his WORDS still show that. Hell his parents are paying for him to go out of the country on a 'gee poor Danny is so stressed and needs a break' trip with his current girlfriend and yes they know about the affiar and this current GF. Yes, his actions are appearing to be baby steps of wanting me back in ways but...
Could it, and I know I have eluded to this before, be that he and I really needed to take a break from each other to recharge ourselves for each other? And sure being apart could and for us both does mean recharging ourselves with others. I am not saying it is right however it seems to be working for us. His meaness and anger towards me totally dissapated once he knew I was sexually involved with someone else. Prior to that he was very shut down with me and said mean things. Now he kisses me on the lips, yes a peck, but not on the cheek, and he hugs me, and yes he does ask for sexual things which I am not currently giving into. He has been told by me in the last couple weeks that all this nonsense can stop if he comes home and that all I want is for my family unit of 4 together again. He claims that will not happen. I almost believe that he is so shamed and guilty for what he has done to me that he would much rather see me happy with someone else that won't do to me what he did and is hoping that is this current person. Now sure anyone is capable of cheating including this current person.
NO, I am not ready to stop the affair I am in. I also will not apologize for that and those that are horribly against that can choose to no longer read my threads and post. My feelings won't be hurt if some of you disappear and I don't mean that to be offensive.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
