That is about the best reply to any question I have ever gotten for any forum post ever. Thank you.
Now I will start answering/asking things!
I have been told before that I am too nice. I never really understood what that meant before, but I think I am starting to. It is HARD for me to stay mad at people..I just can't do it. People that have done terrible things to me in the past are still my friends to this day. I will get that book and read it because it is becoming more and more apparent to me that I need to stand up for myself more. Not just in my marriage, but in my life in its entirety. I would like to strike a nice balance between being kind and nice, but having that line there that says "you have gone to far!"
Clinical depression runs in my family and I always try to do things that I can to steer away from the signs of depression. I like to think that I am keeping a decent amount of perspective with this thing. I am still friendly to other people and my personality does not suffer (from my point of view anyways)with people other than my wife. Around her I am pretty silent and withdrawn most of the time now. My relationship with my kids is actually better than ever right now (except for my step-son, but that is another story =) because I am able to almost completely concentrate on them because there really is nothing between my wife and I anymore.
I have been working out and running for almost 3 years now and I feel like I am physically in good shape. I don't think I am ugly or anything like that, but I do not understand why my wife does not find me attractive anymore. I am in better shape now than I was when we met...but that ties into her thinking I am less of a man now I suppose.
I did decide this weekend was a "my" weekend so I went to a driving range with a buddy on Sat. night and then out for some drinks with another friend and then golfing and fishing on Sunday. It was the most fun I have had in a long time, but a part of me felt guilty for not being with my youngest son for that time, but another part was so happy to feel free for a while again.
I have learned that sex is a want, not a need =D Despite claims otherwise I am not driven by sex, but I do enjoy it. However your statement is the first time I have ever thought about not having sex has affected my view on myself. I have been told before it is not me, it is her, but that is hard to buy into from time to time.
I think you hit it right on the head with her viewing me with contempt. I have mentioned that in the past, and of course she denies it but there has never been reprercussions for her for anything she has ever done or said to me (see the I can't stay mad at anyone part above) so her behavior has gone unchecked for the last years and she doesn't give it a second thought.
Again, I don't feel all that depressed about "me", but I feel sad and depressed about my marriage. I feel really sad for my soon-to-be 4 year old. But I don't look at myself with any kind contempt or self-loathing. Have I questioned my ability to be a good husband? Almost all the time...but have I questioned weather or not I am a good man? Not really.
I don't think you are patronising me at all, in fact I appreciate you taking the time out to type all that out for me. I am glad and a little surprised that someone took the time to read into my scattered ramblings so deeply.
