Afternoon journaling: My wife is in the UK this week, she left Saturday while I was visiting my brother. Her mother came down to be with the girls until I returned yesterday afternoon.
When I went to pick up the girls I was greeted by D10 screaming excitement. Wow what a hug I got from her. If there is anything to look forward to in the separation it's the greetings the girls give! MIL was happy to see me but we couldn't chat much since the girls were so excited. MIL also needed to hit the road for her 2.5 hour drive. She gave me a hug when she left and told me she was glad she got to see me. I know it's never seemed like she ever warmed up to me in the 23 years but the last few times we've seen each other her guard has been down a little and she's shown a little of her real tender side. She's so guarded with her feelings but when she shows this little bit it's clear she has a big heart, she just struggles to show it at times. I think I should start making a point to maintain better contact with her no matter what.
I didn't mention this in my previous posts but when I was flying to Vegas, during my layover in Dallas, I called my wife's aunt and uncle in TX. This is her father's sister. I've always been very close with them and their oldest son and I are like two peas in a pod. We became fast friends the first time we met. Sadly, he's divorced now too, his wife left him because of a lot of the same reasons mine walked away. However I can say no one in the family really liked her, she wasn't a pleasant person to be around. She has a lot of personal issues that she blamed on others, mainly her husband.
Well TX aunt and uncle were excited to hear from me because we haven't spoken in over a year and a half. Over the last 23 years I've primarily maintained the contact with them. BTW, this is my wife's favorite aunt too. This aunt gave my wife the book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" back in Oct and she really hopes we can work it out. Oh and a funny thing, years ago when another of my wife's cousins was getting divorced her aunt said "if you two ever get divorce, Catfan is still invited to the family reunions!" She mentioned that on the phone the other day. LOL! Man I love these people!!
Well onto interaction with my wife. She called last night to talk with the girls. Once done of course D11 asks if she wants to talk to me, yes she replies. So I get on the phone and she proceeds to ask me all about my trip, my visit with my brother, etc. Then proceeds to give me a full and detailed overview of her conversations with D11 and D10. It's not like I couldn't hear them. It's strange but when she travels is seems she really wants to talk and share experiences with me. But when she's home or if I'm traveling she really isn't interested in a lot of chat. Is this the "missing you" factor at play? I wonder since when we are both in town we end up speaking almost daily because we each call the girls.
Also I'm wondering about the idea of LRT and limiting such communication. Given she uses silence when she's angry I've shied away from going dark in that manner. She has said we need to be friends again, well friends talk and share with one another. So I am thinking maintaining this type of communication is a good idea. It goes along with what AmyC and I have talked about in one of her thread and I've mentioned in mine for a while now, Just Show Love. This way my wife can never associate any words or actions I make/say as rooted in anger. It seems this is a good idea since she took issue with anger management and me.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
