I think she's back

[Starshyne]

After I thought about it, I am really going to try this whole going dark before I go to the lawyer. Maybe it won't work. But it has to be better than what I am going through now. When I told him yesterday he said, "but what will I have for dinner?" and "if you want you can come back and sleep in the bed with me." I really think this might make an immpact on him. And...I realize that I still do not have proof that he is back with the OW. There are strong suspicions but I am not totally sure. I still want to wait it out and get the truth before I proceed.

I also want to say that I feel like I am painting my H with a really ugly brush. Yes, he has done all of these awful things, but I swear he isn't the monster I feel like I am making him to be. I know he does care for me in his own way. He isn't showing it to me the way he should, but I know that he does care about me. I guess you all understand that, but I just feel like I am only showing one side of him.

Emotionally I am not at the lawyer yet. Not to say that I can't be there very soon, but today at this moment, I am not there. And one thing I learned early in this whole mess is that if I am not emotionally ready for something, it doesn't work out for me. I know that I wont' be in the state of mind I am currently in forever and I will get that strength to go see the lawyer that was recommended. Today my big goal was to make myself get up and go work. My work day is almost over, so I accomplished that and had a good day with the students.

Actually...when I came into my classroom today. I found a note on my chalkboard written by a student I had last year. It said, "I love you Mrs. S!!" So....even if my H says (notice I always say that he says this..not that he means it) that he doesn't love me, at least I know that my former student does. Totally make me tear up, but also totally made my day.